Taking Over the Darkness
nothing but noise all aroind be but here I am in my peace. Loud rythems called music ring though my head then sudden silence as though perfection is reached at the end of every song. I carry something heavy with me always, this burden that grows bigger until I scream in agony for it do leave me. Can I remember the days when it wasn't there, there was a time when I was at peace. And maybe, just maybe I have found that peace again in the knowlage that humans are an imperfect being. I wollow so much in the past cause there is where my history sits in its sweet slumber...very few people...bearly anyone at all knows of the pain that I have kepped locked up inside for so many years...I remember when I told Brett...it was so crazy, I had to get it all out. Lord knows it'll eat away at you but suddenly your there agin, your in that moment reliving it in your own mind and you SCREEM...to be let out of the bondage of memory, you cry and you struggle against the emotional pain that has seemingly wrecked you...you lock yourslef away, cast yourself away so that few may know you...you close the doors to your soul but hang a sign on the door saying that everything is just dandy...

I know how you feel...

to share your deepest regrets, your sorrow....and the victory of the afterwords with someone so special is so hard. it seems that every waking moment I am fighting off the memories of my past, at times I lay down my sword, at times I can't take it anymore and I give up and I fail...

"you will fail"

indeed we are all going to fail. We are all going to fail in our quest to fulfil God's vision for our lives, we are all going to fail....

to fail is to be human...

because quite simply we are human, we fall short of the glory of God and we desurve nothing but death..for all we know is utter defeat, the bitter taist of blood stained metal against our lifeless bodys is all we have...we are nothing.

interesting how there always seems to be an exeption to every rule though...

we desurve nothing yet as foolish humans we so arrogantly think that we desurve everything, as if we actually did something worthy of any kind of recodnition from the heavens above and yet so long we seek the Father and demand of Him His love for us. We come asking Him to help us, for Him to be there for us, for Hid guidence for His wisdom for the salvation of our souls! Yet what the heck have we done to earn any of it? Not a thing...in fact we continue to sin against Him continue to go on our own marry way high and mighty as the great occupents of this world, so much higher then the animals because of our five fingers and larger brain pah. You are nothing but dirt. You come from the dirt and when you die that is where you return...

so what does all this mean?

why would we even expect God to make good on His word? Its not like we desurve it...its not like we did anything to desurve it, its more like we haver done everything in our power to tell Him we don't care what he does in this world...and then we wonder why so many horrable things happen in this world and then we have the nerve to blame Him, o how sad are we...

His grace is so much more then I think the human brain can even comprehend...at least fully, sure we can take it a few parts at a time but to actually see the whole picture of God's grace is something I feel as though no man could ever fully realize in a lifetime...

it is nothing but the grace of God that allows us the oppertunity to be in excistance...nevermind for a second a chance for redemtion...just plain ol' exsistance is in His will...stop and think just for a moment at all you have done in your life...what did that amount to? Did it mean anything? We have been given not only the privlage but the honor to searve in the King's mighty army...to join the winning side though Christ Jesus...God sent Jesus to Die for us...why? Because of somethying we did NO because of His love.

I do not expect anything of my God for to do so would be of misguided pride on the part of myself...I only know of His promises and take hold of them...and trust...and believe that my God is a Good God. And I always remember that I do not desurve even the air I breath but I have been given life eturnal...something I will treasure as a gift...like a homelass man given a hundred doller bill...its soo much, too much for a man to handle sometimes I think...why are we given so much grace? I don't understand...Lord thank you all mighty Father...for your grace is Good. Amen

- posted by Kai @ 9/30/2004 03:26:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
Title?
Now Playing: LFO; Summer Girls

hey Pat, remember that one? lol...I do. I remember thinking that you where going to get in so much trouble, you and your silly secular music :P ah, if only you actually read this but meh, I find that so often my thoughts are in the past. I remember spending all my time in the caf...all my friends just knew where to find me. I remember all the conversations I had with so many people. Brett? You read this? Remember the meetings? I miss them so much, dude I miss just hanging out it your room and whining about life most of the time...sharing what God has been doing. My dreams and plans...Brent, you added that much needed spark to our core :) did you ever know how much it hurt to see you go? Though I doubt you read this as well I just wonnder what God is doing in your life right now.

Leigh-Anne :) ah, so many memories there...I remember when Pat took me aside and very nicely thought that I might be spending too much time with her...though I was working with her and much of it couldn't be helped..ah, silly. But I remember Pat, o how I wish you read this...I remember much later on when you and I where talking very late at night. I remember it so well cause it was one of those moments where you opened right up, it was amazing...you told me that you where wrong to confront me...that if I liked her that was fine. I had no idea what you where talking about at the time of course...like I said I worked with her, we where brother and sister and that was it for me. If God told me to be a BTR well, I was more then happy to ablige at that point :P lol after everything I had been though with girls...everything I had put them though in my own sin...BTR wouldn't be that bad...there would be so much pain avoided but, thats not where its looking like I'm being led...and I still have to chuckle a little at Pats warning of spending too much time with her. No, it wasn't wrong at all, at that point in the internship, where I was still dealing with feelings for another in my own heart plus the fact that it was the internship and she was my sister...lol, to get dismissed because I couldn't keep my emotions in check...for me that would have been obsurd. There wasn't any then mind you...now there are a high range of emotions that, Lord help me, can sometimes be overwhelming :P but this time its right...this time I don't mess it up, this time I don't regret a thing...this time God is the focus and she and I have a very...well, lets not spoil what God may intend as a surprise but, all I know is that I see peace, purity, happyness, love...so much in this relationship. Praise God.

Hey Pat, if by some random chance you find your way here and get to read this...I would love to get in touch with you after so long. Pich me an email christopher.ashby@gmail.com ...

there is so much I could write...so much I could tell you about, but maybe..just maybe I will give you the chance to...seek it before you find it :)

I love you all, from my HA comrads of whom I share many hard times and victories with, my friends here in the north, many of whom have given me so much, including a place to call home, my family whom I love so much (hey Ryan, now that you can drive..COME VISIT ME!!!) hehe, to past friends and past enemys...time heals all wounds and God has a way of making even the most wrong come around for the right...

I remember back in high school...you seem there where a few of us who all lived pretty close, grew up together we did. Nick my cousen, Shane Harding, Clarke Thomas, Allen Hibine...there where others but we where the ones that grew up together practicly from birth...

Shane and I where good friends until sometime in 4th or 5th grade...after that he started the climb on the popularity latter I guess...during high school we barly even spoke if at all...and if we did it wasn't plesent...

but time heals all things so it would seem...

I met up with him a few weeks ago, just after Matthew's passing and you know what? it was as if we where friends again, we talked little about high school other then the fact that it was a bad memory that was much better forgotten...after that meeting we went to play pool with Nick and Shane was there as well...it was so amazing...

God has a way of using time to heal so much... :)

well, I must go...dang post better post, usualy tries to lose my longer ones :P lol...much love

- posted by Kai @ 9/25/2004 03:14:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
Reality...Check
God sent the beauty of his face and the eligance and wonder of his voice down to help me though my time of dispair...he sent his messenger in the form of a man on the street wondering if he had missed his bus...
That was yesterday...and I look back and I think about all that was said and truly God is amazing. Prayer is answered once again and peace draws near...

The hurt is washed away...
still here I am,
in the middle of...it all.
With heavy hands
and I try so, hard
just to leave behind me
all the things that bind me

I push forward and never look back, leave behind me the pain for there is too much around for me to add too it, lets be the light that lights up the darkness...instead of letting the darkness encompass the light...

well...on to more whining :P cause it wouldn't be a good post without some good ol' fashioned whining lol
point 1:
-I hate my job like I hate the hords of hell...well...close anyway
point 2:
-adding on to my hate for my job, I can't afford to get there and back...
point 3:
adding on to point one and two...I hate having to call mom for money all the time, especially after the past year...

buuuuttttt!

there is some hope :) again an answer to a very loud prayer in my heart...

I have another interview :) *FF Fanfare playes in background* :D w00t

so, now time for happy points!
point 1:
-interview at shoppers in two days
point 2:
-its not evil as sin calling job :D
point 3:
-its within walking distance (no more $20/week for the bus)
point 4:
-its retail! Yey! Not evil satanic calling...grr
point 5:
-have you figured out I hate being a caller yet?

but all the hatred and ickyness aside I am where I am and for now I push though...whether or not the interview is a success or not really doesn't matter on the grand scale. though my sanity might not agree...hmm

but God is faithfull as again I have seen for myself...when will that fact even stop slipping my brain?

I love my God. Who else is so faithful when your sooo dumb? I can't think of anyone :P My God is better then yours...He wins. Bye!

- posted by Kai @ 9/21/2004 06:10:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
Reality
I come here unable to sleep, thoughts plague my heart as though a demon hunts me in the night. My body is tired and I sleep more and more, I don't eat well, mostly because my friend can't afford to feed me. I have a job now, worry sets in and reality hits me and I come to realise that I have never had to deal with this thing called reality before...this real world has always escaped my grasp and now that I am here I am overwhelmed...I want to turn to God, and I have all the answers I need but I shy away as if a child who has lost his way. I think back to my time in Texas...it all seems to surreal now, as if it was never real to begin with...like to many of the other fantasys that plague my life I fear that, that too was only a part of the fantasy. It was so perfect my time there, I was free and the Lord was there. Friends where there too push me and I was there too push them back. But now I am stuck in this thing called reality where none of that is real and I find myself living from one day to the next...surviving but not much else. I hide this away from those I'm closest too in fear that they might worry, that they might be hurt somehow...I care too much for them to see me in such a state that I hide under the blanket of fantasy as though everything is fine. But with every night that goes by I die a little more, my time living in such...peace becomes more of a dream and faces fade and memeries blur as dreams do. And as I lay on my couch all I want to do is pray...but why can't I? Why won't I? I feel the way I did before, before everything happened I feel as though something isn't right. Please forgive me my friends, I never ment any harm...for a while I had thought things where well...but I am hit with a dose of reality and somehow I need to deturmine which is fantasy and which is reality...for the line between the two has blurred so much that, sometimes I don't see it at all. I live my life and I die a little more each day and I wonder, just ponder if I will be saved before my final breath once again...but for now my soul weeps in deep sorrow and my spirit sits locked away still...the key didn't fit I'm afraid...or maybe I was too afraid to even try...

What is this reality? Was that time in Texas real? Was it all just an amazing dream? If it where a dream I only wish to never again wake up and be back in my home, maybe I prefer the fantasy to the reality of this cold world...Lord forgive me, I have gone astray...I wished you to guide me and now I'm here...where are we going? Why am I here? Why Lord can't I hear your sweet song...did I hear you wrong? Was I not too come here...where did I go wrong?

All I want to do is pray...but my heart will not alow it, my soul is too tired...why can't I unlock my spirit from this cage that enslaves it? I don't understand...

I wan't ready for this, this wasn't my time...not yet...send me back to my fantasy where You are there...send me back to my dream where I am most happy...take me from this harsh reality where my soul weeps and my spirit mourns...I can't take the pain anylonger...the death is too great, there is too much pain all around me and its eating away at me...I'm dieing more and more with every breath of dead air I breath...

Take me back to my dream...where I can breath life

Take me back o Lord...

I want to sit at Your feet...
Drink from the cup in Your hands...
Lay back against You and breath...
Feel Your heart breath.

This love is so deep...
its more then I can stand

I want to melt in Your hands agian...
to be overwelmed once again...

To live again, bring me back to my dream o Lord...bring me back...

To You.

I'm stuck in death...dieing...Prayer is not what I need, unless its from my own heart...

God is what I need...to take away the pain, to take away the death...to stop the hurt all around me...

Bring me back to life...bring us all back to life...

Be my Saviour.

Jesus, let me see your scars...bring me back to my dream tonight...

- posted by Kai @ 9/19/2004 10:14:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
Ruffled Feathers
:) your right you know, I have kinda noticed the decline of something real on this journal for a long time now and I wonder to myself and ask God "where are you leading me?" everyday seems like it leads to knowwhere and as I try so hard to see God's will in all this I'm left, unsure. The Lord opened so many things up for me too see, so much of His plan for my life that maybe, not that the door is closed again and trust is involved its harder to lean on faith and not on what you know for sure.

Life is hard folks, out in the world where accountbility is something you have to seek not the other way around, I try so hard not to drift back into meaninglessness and I hope and pray that God hears my cries at night but I feel as though I'm the lone ranger out here. We are warned so much never to play lone-ranger Christian but what if thats your only option? Where do you look to from there? You look to God with wondering eyes seeking guidence...trying so hard to keep your vision from bluring...your mind pure so that your communication with the Lord our God will not be hinderd but the enemy is sly like the snake, he knows your weakness and exposes them at every chance he can and what can you do but know your enemy...and know your own weakness and let that weakness become the Lord's strength. Letting your Father spark the innermost passions that for the longest time have laid dorment in your inner being and your spirit screams to be let out of its cage that has for so long entrapped it like a prison. You find yourself holding the key in your hands and you only wish to let your spirit free and let passion and joy consume your life O GOD let my spirit BE FREE!

I never wished to write things in this journal to ruffle feathers my friends, though so often it did so too many...my only intent in regards to Matthew 10:22; A Journal is to live my life, and share with you everything that is on my heart. Though in some things I have been barred from talking about on here, in others I choose to keep to myself for the most part I am here to share my heart...thank you friends for reminding me of this :)

You will be hated...

for too long I have longed to be liked by everyone...when Jesus told me I would be hated by most...

for too long my love has been divided, my spirit locked away...

I hold the key in my hand and praise God that He has given me this gift..no longer will fighting off temptation be my life No longer will I live my life on the defence...

We are called to the offence...its our turn to strike with a deadly force, to envade the powers of darkness and distroy the strongholds of the ememy forces....

We are the demon hunters, the slayers...we are more then mear pew sitters we are warriors born into a holy family. We are the ancent warriors of an ancent war, led by the Ancent of Days, re-born into passion that is to consume our very excistance to push right into the very gates of hell and proclame that Jesus is Lord and that we will have our victory.

We are this this world, but indeed...we are not of this world. The warriors of light screem the war cries of this generation and stare down the enemy...

we will not be enslaved anylonger. We are the children...of God.

Ruffled Feathers? Lets Ruffle some demon feathers today...

- posted by Kai @ 9/18/2004 01:59:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
They Sucked Me In...


- posted by Kai @ 9/15/2004 06:20:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
Once apon a midnights dream...
snowwhite 7/27/200 12:26 AM "no prob, I'll always be there as a friend no matter what happens unless you do something to directly hurt me witch i know you won't..."

...

RyverWild 8/18/200 12:52 PM "Mega...I would appreciate it if you would join the General and I in the new forum at the bottom of the fort. the password is "fight" i believe we have some things we need to discuss..."

...

Ryon 7/11/200 1:21 PM "k, This is the last message or commincation you'll receive from me. I am going to start my life over as completely as I can. I have lost all feeling and caring, I have lost the honor that I hold so dear and I have lost the most important things in my life my friends and loved ones. If you wish to be my friend reintroduce yourself to me and we can start over from there. I know not everyone will be able to do this I don't know if I can do this..."

...

Mega 3/3/2001 10:58 PM "it is the only way...I have tryed everything else...*sigh* The tears will not leave me for a few weeks...but when thay do...I will come out stronger then ever, I have to beleave this."
Tlieaxu 3/3/2001 10:59 PM "ya.. you will be ok.. I know it."

...

Mega the 3/9/2001 11:32 PM ya, you know the corner behind the door in the hall? Well, I was sitting on a chair there, and people started calling it the "Ashby Habitat" Long story short, there is now I sign on the door that says "Ashby Habitat ... $.50 to look at it, $1.00 to kick it."

...

Rosemaria 3/10/200 7:56 PM *Gives Chris a playful punch on his upper arm* Behave yourself !

...

~*~*MiKeY* 3/11/200 8:09 PM whats up durst

...

Mega the 3/13/200 9:07 PM you makin goot again?
Kenza 3/13/200 9:07 PM nope.. cant now.. no tilly here...

...

snowwhite 8/10/200 11:49 PM dido but for now i told Ryon not to talk to Bev and he says he woun't talk to me either

...

Chuck 7/11/200 7:30 PM did it feel good.... even remotely..... when you kicked me last night?
Mega, 7/11/200 7:31 PM to be honist.......yes
Chuck 7/11/200 7:31 PM i knew.....
Chuck 7/11/200 7:32 PM just wanted to confirm it.... see i told you we'd come to blows
Mega, 7/11/200 7:33 PM I know......it can't be help'd now I can't even sleep!
The One of 7/11/200 7:34 PM sucks don't it?
Mega, 7/11/200 7:34 PM yep...

...

KaiMegos: funnes :) so your a friend of the sassyhelcat? :P
starr133_99: yeah.... cathain here......
KaiMegos: o yeah?
KaiMegos: :P don't think I was told who this was :P
KaiMegos: hehehehehe
KaiMegos: shows I'm very gullable :P
starr133_99: she didn't tell you I was a clan mate?
KaiMegos: she told me you knew of the clan :P

...

Geggy 1/7/2001 6:41 PM I knew about that. I was just not expecting it. Trust me, When i'm gone, i'm going to loose contact of so many people that it'll hurt just like you do now.

...

Siuan 3/16/200 3:35 PM MEGA!!!!! *Big wild hugs* Please, tell me U come to stay!

...

LB Wannabe 3/21/200 10:44 PM no where...mom was just sittin here....and I really didn't wanna talk about reports....she does not know they are out...and I wanna keep it that way.


wow, the trip down old memory lane...I have had many online convos over the years...whined alot about many things...made goot remarks alot, swore alot cried alot...so many things so many memories. So much growth, to see this boy and who he was back then...and the man sitting in front of the monitor right now...its quite amazing to look back over it all...Kicking Chuck, Obsession with Karen, Summer from Hell, James and Bev's hook up, The 3DO boards, the Ryv/Mega war, the chats with Faith, EZBoards, Fort Plastro, That one party, Melborne's new years bash, James' 386 bursting into flames, the "love" triangle...3 guys liking the same girl (did you ever know the whole story Kristy? lol), Fast for Famine, BOYB, Highlife, Our table, the dreams, the Katgoyles, roleplaying, Killian, Mega, partys, Age of Empires, Spencerville Fare, blasting Limp Bizkit louder then the fair, moving in with James, moving in with Chuck, Gient Tiger, Jolt Cola, school dances, O'Brien's moves, the school laptops, skipping class, Uno, hating Risk, Church, preaching, Adam's place, walking downtown Prescott, my first playstation, ICQ, Space on James' wall, glow-in-the-dark star on the wall, capture the flag, sparing, breaking James' mom' lamp, late night talks, the post office, wing night, Tekken, anime...

:) thats just the tip of the memory iceburg...:)

Once apon a midnight dream...memories desire, pasts end.
Your future begins now.

- posted by Kai @ 9/14/2004 11:20:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
The Lord is so good :)
You know, i'm sorry peeps, I haven't really posted much mean on here in a long time and you know, the more I think about it the more I think that maybe I'm letting myself get reall cosy back into life...I look back to the man of a few months and I ask myself where he is...where is the man who slepped on a board instead of a mattres because he hated the idea of being comfterble in life...what happened to the man who went though Gideons Road, who wouldn't give up even when his flesh wanted too so bad, what happened to that deturminatrion that...passion that made up my life?

Its still there, though its being wrapped up in complacensty...what happed to the man who jumped at the chance to pray who would scream his brains out to God some nights while other night just stay silent and let God be God...is confort consuming my life?

The enemy plays his hand well in my life I'll give him that but I see though it...I've been here before and I will not step across that line ever again, instead I walk away from the line and into the hands of the Lord my God...

I remember the story of this necklace that hangs around my neck and I look to the heavens with the slightest bit of worry in my eyes...Lord I messed up once, she walked away from you because of that...I messed up again and she is further from you then ever before father this will not be the same father be in this, pour out wisdom into this life o Father BE HERE O GOD! spark that fire for something more Jesus spark this consuming fire that ignites my soul for you and nothing else and let that fire spread into all who are in my life Lord! LEt not comfort consume my life but only you be here, Lord bring boldness into everything I do!

I need that boldness I found deep within now more then ever...Lord don't let it slip.

The Lord is good and hears the crys of our hearts...I'm thinking of something interesting...if anyone in the Prescott/Ottawa area want to be involved in something awesome for God gimme a shout and I'll fill you in on the plan from there :) much love friends, l8r

- posted by Kai @ 9/12/2004 01:20:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
When the Trailer meets the House pt. 3

- posted by Kai @ 9/11/2004 04:32:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
Ou...


so I found this and I want it real real bad hehehe...its really cheap for a gutar as well...maybe a birthday gift? *wink wink* well...much love, later.
- posted by Kai @ 9/10/2004 01:37:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
"...Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would..."
Easier to Run - Linkin Park

...but I can't change, so I put my white robes back on and move forward...
- posted by Kai @ 9/10/2004 11:58:00 a.m. (0) comments

 
Too Late I Think...
**post eliminated**

maybe I was wrong...

- posted by Kai @ 9/09/2004 07:40:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
The Weak...
Kai sat beneath a large oak tree watching the world go about its busness. The wind was soft and warm against his wings as the clouds overhead created just enough shade to make it perfect.

"You will always be weak..."

Kai jumped up with a start and used his powers to track down the intruder on his world with no luck.

"You will always be weak...and you will see Jinnora crushed because you could not protect the little Katgoyles and thair little clan of misfits..."

Kai's wing fluttered at the mention of Jinnorra,

"You speak of Jinnorra, I have no busness there any longer. I'm...no longer their protecter."

"After so long the great white mage, protector of Jinnorra hangs up his robes? He who faught even the gods to protect this little clan now sits alone on an empty plaint...the one great and powerful Kai only son of the family Megos now waists away on the dead world? How...wonderful"

Kai sat back down as his staff appeared in his hand,

"Jinnorra no longer exsists in my life...do as you please to it, but if you come here again you will have never exsisted..."

"So be it oldtimer...maybe some day I'll take you up on your challenge."

"I look forward to it..."

- posted by Kai @ 9/09/2004 01:55:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
I'm still mad :(
yeah, I know I haven't posted anything in a few days...I had this long post all ready do go up then the comp reset and welllI was angry at Blogger and computers for a few days so no posting for me lol...

Have you ever just been somewhere in your life where you know everything is just right? Even if circumstance may say otherwise...I'm still jobless but getting closer to one :) other then that though things are so good right now praise God...I'm just happy, though I want so much to be back in my comfort zone right now...my security blanket back in room 3115 is looking mighty good but war isn't faught in the training grounds right?

So I haven;t posted much about Leigh-Anne and myself sence the announcment of our courtship have I? Sorry you gossip freeks out there for not feeding you lol j/k we're doing real well and taking this time in seperate countries and whatnot to define the relationship, set boundries and answer questions as well as seek out any wisdom that might want to find itself in our hearts (anyone full of wisdom who feels the need to pour out swing by our way..we love it:) ) and yeah...I'm just happy :)

So o yeah, I moved :) I'm not living with my bestest of friends James in a rather full house of crazyness that I now call home...slowly getting settled, REALLY need to find a job soon though...hmmm thanks for all your prayers though :) I'm sure God's got an awesome job lined up for me...now if I could only find it...hmm hehehe



- posted by Kai @ 9/07/2004 08:29:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
sometimes...

sometimes I sit and think of times I wish I could go back too, only for a moment...sometimes I wish I could go back and talk to those that I haven't seen in a very long time...Pat, Brent...Annie...you are missed friends. You really are...

I look all mad in this pic...lol, well...much love.

- posted by Kai @ 9/06/2004 09:12:00 a.m. (0) comments

 
long lost sisters...
So, I was just reading the post of a long lost...sister and I just don't know what to say...

she is right...we where like brother and sister untill about a year ago when things just got messy and to this day we don't speak...and the more I ponder the past few months in relation to this situation the more I have to beat myself in the face really really hard because you look back and yeah...

its my falt...

the situation happened and I fouled it up real bad...then contiued to explain how I was right and the whole world was wrong, and maybe to an extent I might have been right..I might have been wrong thats not the point nor is it the issue anymore...at this point what does it matter?

the fact is that I went through a time of arrogant pinhead and it hurt alot of people and now that Im past that ...blah and start to see the mess I have made I am deeply sadend...truly there is a huge price to pay for sin, sometimes it will affect not your life but the lives of others as I have seen in the postings of this long lost sister...

...and well, I continue to get myself in troble because I am stubbern as a mule...bah...when will I learn? Maybe I won't...

I just hope I am the Chris in the dream...I really do...

- posted by Kai @ 9/04/2004 08:46:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
When the Trailer meets the House pt. 2

- posted by Kai @ 9/04/2004 08:26:00 a.m. (0) comments

 


So, after so long and much prayer and much wisdom saught and so much more...it is official friends and I'm am very happy to say that Leigh-Anne and myself are coarting..

not to often will you catch me in a moment of posting a post where I'm at a loss for words but here it is :) and don't you think I'm done grabbing all the wisdom I can from you my friends :) ah, thank you o Lord for making this possable...

much love :)
,Chris
- posted by Kai @ 9/03/2004 10:13:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
Tears Falling...down again...
just listening to Skillet...ah, I love the stuff...

so I was just thinking about my likes and dislikes and its amusing...I really enjoy chick-flick type anime

I mean I loved Love Hina and I was just introduced to DNA and its funny as crazy but its all mushy love stories...guess I'm just an odd one at heart right?

So I miss cracking jokes in the kitchen...I miss shin kicking too...real life ain't nearly as fun I guess...why is that? Meh, no idea really..though we do have our share of fun around these parts don't get me wrong...

but yeah..back to what brought me to post something today...I like so many different things its odd..I love a good action film but I also like the "chick-flick" I love japanese vampire films and amarican martial arts films...

I love hardcore music and I love techno, I love rock but I still hate country...why is that?

I find that secular music annoys me more then anything now...its so meaningless and pathetic for the most part..at least most Christian bands (with special exception to Relient K...grr to them....grr) have a point to there music and glorify God.

I love talking but I also love to listen, I love to mess around with swords and I love to mess around with world domination (Risk...hehehe) I love friends and I love to help friends out...conversations are one of my greatest loves in any friendship...I miss the talks that Breet and myself would have, I remember all the time so late at night I would catch him up and I would just walk into his room and hang out and just talk about the day and often times unload on the poor poor fellow but he was always there to talk to...my leader my friend

I remember Krys trying so hard to scedual "meetings" I always was kinda amused that we has to set up dinner meetings but when you work the hours we did I guess you had to to stay in communication with good friends...hey Krys, we should set up another dinner meeting sometime...you still need to beat me up :P

I love random unscedualed breaks....I love my booth, it will always be my booth...just you see, I will come back and reclaim it!

I miss the talks with Leigh-Anne, making fun of her God given gift of rather short proportions, I will always remember seeing her there while the big cross was aglow...I remember going to Denver and freaking out it was amusing and Denver..ah, I miss that man...my wonderful ACA who just couldn't seem to lick the sleeping in bug that hunted his internship

I miss the banquets, remember our first commitment banquet? This was our first official meeting with our sister cores...so many of them...sooo few of us, girls are evil...but we'll survive somehow lol...I remember those days. I remember me all dressed up seated beside ladies I had never met before and being rather nervious and shy as I tend to be in those circumstanses

I like banquets now, heck...good food :) and good company they where...

I like alot of things...

I remember just after graduation going out for flavoured ice (REALLY GOOD overpriced ice :P) and sitting and talking about horses and such with Holly while the others sat in the car for some unknown reason...

so many memories, I love going back and visiting then all...

I remember the green lawn....the beautiful lush green grass we found IN TEXAS! I remember we left them a nice thankyou card for having such a nice lawn..Cynthia you rock! Why did you have that thankyou card on you anyway?


I remember this one night...I don't even know why but James and just sat up and talked all night long about our lives...I remember sitting up on ICQ and just complaining about how much our lives stunk...I remember the "summer from hell" so many years ago now, I remember getting beat up in high school...lol, I was so dumb...I remember playing game after game of Uker..I remember the school laptop that got me into alot of troble at times :) I remember ATFs..I remember Fresh Wind...

I remember Christmas's, family..I remember last Christmas...Mechelle and Will's engagment...Nick's not so amused face...I remember Matt and Nick wrestling, Matt finally getting upset but never giving up...ever

I remember long nights up playing AoE2, soo many walls...

I remember the GV graveyard...I remember Pat crying...I remember he cryed and it shocked me...don't know why...I remeber taking Ricky there...Denver Ricky and myself...I remember later that night the Lone Wolf died and Ricky found some peace...

I remember Beth and her love for music that boggled my mind...

I rememeber hearing about Kristy starting to play Bass....I was so excited

I remember the day Brent Pat Chris Dusty and myself where sitting in Pats room arguing about some dumb movie we had just seen with the sister core...I remember later on after that Brent speaking the words to me that would end up changing my life...thanks for letting God speak Brent...

I remember Gideons's road...the Passion driven deep inside me to see a core changed..I remember hearing very late that Naomi was to be a core advisor..I remember how proud I was of her...and how heart I was to not share in that with her in Augest...

I remember when it all came to me that one night...Passion

I remember when I heard that Pat may be comming back to the HA

I remember stepping off that plane and I was home...

I remember calling James later looking for a ride anywhere lol...

Memories are an awesome thing..I never want to forget a thing...thank you all for being apart of this...

- posted by Kai @ 9/03/2004 01:06:00 p.m. (0) comments