And then there was another rant in one day…uh.
So I have a habit of forgetting my topics for these things and then I just end up ranting about nothing. But I had a topic…I had one…what was it?

Well, then…so yeah I had one but its gone so lets think up a new one.

O YES!!! I REMEMBER! Ok class, lets skip on ahead to the book of Judges, yes Jimmy its after Joshua, no Tina before Matthew, yes James its in the old testament. Everyone there? Good, turn to chapter 8 verses 33 through 35. Tim can you read it please?

So it was as soon as Gideon was dead, that the children of Israel again played the harlot with the Baals, and made Baal-Berith their god. Thus the children of Israel did now remember the LORD their God, who had delivered them from the hands of all their enemies on every side, nor did they show kindness to the house of Jerubbaal (Gideon) in accordance with the good he had done for Israel.

Ok, so does this irritate anyone else? Don’t you just want to slap everyone in Israel at that point in time? Like, if anyone where to create a time machine to go back in time I would be on the first trip back just so I could slap these people in the head and scream “STUPID!!!”.

So ok, lets back up a little bit. I have been studying the man known as Gideon due to the fact that in a month (maybe two now) I will be going down the road known as “Gideon’s Road”, as in I might want to know a little bit about the man before I go down his road. Turns out Gideon was a cool guy, he was called on by God to lead Israel out of the oppression of the Midianites. Now check this out, Judges 6:15 “So he said to Him (Him being God), ‘O my LORD, how can I save Israel? Indeed my can is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.'” You can see this man doesn’t think highly of himself right? Well, seems that God did cause he ended up taking out the Midianies with only 300 men. It’s a crazy story, you should all read it if you have not already. Anywho so Israel is saved from these doods and life is good. Heck, they even want Gideon to be their king he was so good, but Gideon being the awesome man that he was said no cause it was all God and none of himself and also that God was the only king if Israel and nothing and nobody else could ever fill that role. So yeah, the day this guy dies they forget everything he did, forget everything God did to deliver them from the oppression of there people and begin worshiping that darn baal character….ug. This is Chris shaken, not stirred…

Ever wonder if that was going to happen to you? I mean, you do amazing things throughout your life, follow God’s plan for your life to a tee change the lives of everyone you meet, then the day you die ..everyone you had an impact on just decides to go back to there old sinful ways…makes one shutter just thinking about it doesn’t it? Its interesting to cause today we learned all about leadership and how one of the signs of a good leader is the leaders that are formed out of the wake of your leadership. Leaders rising up after you. And you think “I hope and pray that they got something from what I tried to teach them.” Then you suddenly remember they will only remember what God placed into their hearts and none of your own words and it places you at ease just slightly. I still wanna slap some Israelites. But the lessons are here for a reason, and Gideon’s story is placed in the Bible by God for a reason. Praise God. Just makes one wonder at times.

I guess that’s kind of a pride issue as well isn’t it? Worrying about how our legacy will be upheld after we go off to be with Jesus. Cause in all reality its God’s plan and its Him working though you. So, whatever happens after you pass on is nothing to worry about cause its in God’s hands. And that’s that.

Peace out.

- posted by Kai @ 1/29/2004 04:05:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
Reactions of money.
So, wait...hmm, its been a few hours and I might have forgotten the topic...hmm

o yeah, just a little note about something that just came to my mind as I was cleaning the steamline last night...

I was thinking about all the times it has been stated by people that work here that they took a "pay cut" and the thought crossed my mind...

Why is this stated?

I mean ok, its an interesting fact, but I think for the most part its stated for the simple shock value of it. This in some way amuses me and saddens me all at the same time. I mean, is it so hard to beleve that a man or woman in Christ took a pay cut to do God's work? Are our minds still so trapped in the world that we find it hard to beleve that anyone could truly give up so much to come work for such a ministry? The same ministry we gave up $6000 and one year of our lives for? And yet everytime someone says "and we came here, taking much less pay..." or whatever, you always get the wow from the crowd. Its interesting to watch peoples reactions to some things.

Like, its understandable, the whole purpose of life to most people is the aquiring of money, more money means happer life...and yes these people, these individuals gave up that thing to do God's work...wouldn't it be amazing if that didn't shock us? Like, If that was so common, to live for God instead of money that...someone taking a pay-cut for God's sake was the norm and people wouldn't have to state it for the simple shock value because in actuality it would not have any to give? Wouldn't the world be just a little more tolerable if the drive for cash wasn't so strong. So strong that it, even now...still staines most of our minds and still learks in the shadows of some of our lives. You can tell.

Ever wonder if money really is the root of all evil?

well, maybe not...cause it is needed for certain things, and truth be told whoever said that wasn't quoting scripture but just the same, I think I know where they are comming from. Even if the quote is somewhat flawed. Because we all know sin is the root of all evil. But money does form a root of evil inside our sinful nature. It learks there amungst the lust and the greed and just craves attention and we surly do give it what it wants sometimes.

Maybe thats just the way we are, the shock value of people who just don't need the extra bit of cash-flow amazes us, and maybe it should...maybe we should look to that and ask ourselves...would we be willing to give it all up for God? And before we look in amazment to those that have...ask yourself why...why is it so amazing? Cause maybe, just maybe thats the love of money thats laughing at the thought of giving it up.

peace out my friends.

- posted by Kai @ 1/29/2004 05:31:00 a.m. (0) comments

 
hmm
So yeah, as nobody updates there blogs anymore I just wonder whats going on back home, I miss you all so much and I pray you are all well, we took core pics last night so i'll have lots of pics for all you to see :) pics of my best friends on campus, my bro/sis core..Lamad Ohana. Its awsome, I'm having so much fun with these peeps and I'm excited for you all too finaly have the oppertunity to see these people (well at least a picture on them :P).

I have been wondering bout a few things the past few days, like maybe if james could come to my graduation, (hey Bev, talk him into it :P) I so want james to meet my friends here, and I want those peeps to meet my best friend back home. i have also been playing with the idea of a second year, yeah i know people are gonna be crying now..but i'm going to go down what is called Giideon's Road, the road to becomming a candidate to become a Core Adviser, to stay a second year and lead a core in there Honor Academy experance...

ack! late, peace out!
- posted by Kai @ 1/23/2004 04:58:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
post to my bro/sis core
As I sat in the sub last night, all I wanted to do was be alone...even as I watched them have fun I just felt, as if for just an instant like I didn't belong. Even amongst the best friends I have here....no, the closest family I have anywhere really, in that moment I just wanted to sit and mellow out on the bass...

ever have one of those moments where you want to have fun but you just want to be alone? its as if you are suddnely looking around the crowd and start to realize that...they don't really know you. Sure a few of them know things about you but do any of them actually know you?

I've been here for a few months now, learned the ropes of being an intern and now hoping from one rope to another everyday...just striving to catch that one golden rope that will lead me even closer to God. And with every rope I hop to, I get closer....so close.

And yet...

As Lamad Ohana, our name means "Pouring into and out from the Family" (rough translation) and I have begun to notice that, as a core...as a brother/sister core, and as a family I think we're still stuck on that serface level relationship that highschool preps had back in the day...sure you could hang out a bunch, you could even have alot of factual stuff about eachothers lives...but you don't know the person at all.

Thats the way I feel, and as I looked around the sub last night I tryed hard to find one person I knew well, that I actually knew...cause I had remembered a promise I made to myself to not have shallow friendships...about 5 years ago...and as I looked around the room, I realised that the one person I truly knew is gone now...home. One person in this entire core.

Truly this is mostly my falt, the fact that I do now know my sisters better then I do is nothing to make excuses about, and I'm not going to bother, just sometimes because of all the rules of getting close to ladies are sometimes confusing, and I know my limits, but wha about the ladies in our core? How deep a friendship is healthy and how deep a friendship is entering the danger zone...see what I mean? We're suppiosed to be a family and told to buld these deep relationships...but the only way I feel safe with a lady is to keep it surface level and leave it at that...but thats not the relationship I have with my own sister back home, hek my sister and myself talk about everything, about the guys in her life...the fustrations in her life...or whatever, if she's teed off at her new boyfriend I tell her "I told ya so" and help her out, same with my mom...when she's just fed up with dad (happends all the time) she comes to me and we just talk it out, you know? When she can't stand how he is sometimes and just needs to let it out, she comes to me and is just like "I hate your father AHH!!!" and I'm like "No you don't." and we go from there, same with my best friend back home Beverly, she's awsome and we have had the most interesting conversations about our faith and our lives, we have talked about situations in our past and bounced things off eachother and just have been friends for many years, and I know I'll never even think about getting together with her cause thats not what its about ya know? So I mean, deep relationships are possable with ladies, I want the same kind of relationship with my sisters here on campus that I have with my sister back home, the kind of relationship thats total purity because we are brother and sister. Is that possable on campus? I think it has to be if we are to truly become what our namesake suggests.

And you guys, you Selfless men of God, we need to get closer, there is nothing holding us back but ourselves...I think I might have mentioned this before but I am totaly against the idea of APs for the simple fact that, then one person knows you and thats it. You pour yourself out to one person and that one person knows you so deeply, and then the rest of us in the core have no idea who you are...I mean yeah, I have an AP back home named James (my "other" best friend...lol...my 2 best friends are b/f and g/f) and yeah, we keep eachother accountable about things but when it comes to sharing myself I want to share with everyone, James knows me better then anyone on this planit, because off all we have been though together, heck he led me to Christ...took me in when I was kicked out...he's the one who was there to lift me up in my lowest times...heck he even saved my life.... you men of Selfless have something special, its the same thing I first saw in James when I first met him...that eagerness to love, that craving for deep friendships. You people are my friends not just because the HA placed us in the same core, heck..not even because GOD placed us here together...we're friends because of our closenesss as brothers. If we don't have that closness are we truly friends...or just coremates? Are we truly family...or just roomates. I know I'm the worst for this, for not going out and seeking these friendships I'm most passionate about, but it takes something I'm larning more and more about...boldness. I encourage you guys to yes have APs cause in all reality its a good thing, but not to limit your friendships to your APs...cause thats what I have begun to see...the only true friendships I can really honestly see are amongst the APs. So yeah...

Well, I better be off, I love you all, peace.
- posted by Kai @ 1/23/2004 09:04:00 a.m. (0) comments

 
Rants from the floor
As I watched the night go by from my rather uncomfterble position on the dorm room floor all I could do was smile before finaly closing my eyes and going to sleep. That evening I had the oppertuniny to get to know some of my new coremates...I had the opertunity to jam with fellow interns, and it was all around just one big blessing of a night. Even as I lay on the floor I look up to the white stecko above me and thank God for the people in my room. Even as thoughout the night I wrestle with my sleeping bag I sit up and look around the now very full room and feel at peace. A few of these people I don't know very well, others I feel like I have known for years...even if it has only been this past short 4 months or so.

Have you ever just sat and thought about nothing at all? Just one night when you can't really sleep just wake up and stare at whatever is above you and ponder the questions of the world? The great questions that have boggled so many of the self proclamed wise men of this world? Have you ever come to the conclusion that maybe the answer is just so simple, that the complexity within the minds of todays philisohical thinkers just can't quite come down to the simplisity of this world. I know the answers to life's questions cause I ask the questions to the one being that knows them all, the one true God...am I a wise man? Neh...I'm not that far yet, do I know a whole buch? neh, but God has given me the ansewers to the important questions of life. So many times we try to do these things on our own and forget that maybe, just maybe God just might have the answer. We forget so often that we have this communication...this relationship with the creator of everything...he knows why the sky is blue and why the grass is green ( I hear a "well technicly") its because God created it that way...I mean ok, so its bent light beams that make the sky blue but who created the sky? Who created the sun? We always try for the most complicated answers when its the simplist ones that lead you right back to the truth, and the true meaning of everthing.

Today as you sit in your quite space with God just, lift up your questions to Him, and be open to the simplisity of this world, as well as the awsome complexity of our Lord.

I think there is alot of peace of the Lord in the knowlege of the simplisity of life, when life tends to be over-whelming and you can't take it just look to the sky and see what God has made. Sure, the atmosphere might bend the light rays...but in the end, in the beginnings of everything God knew that fact when he created everything...he deals with the complex celculations of knowing just how to properly bend the light so we can bask in his beauty and glory with an awsomely blue sky. All we have to worry about is looking up and giving thanks to him for the day that brings his light apon us.

you all have a good day.
- posted by Kai @ 1/20/2004 04:44:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
post from lamadohana.com<-
um, ok..I was going to talk about something...AHH! Don't you hate it when you come to a place for one very spacific reason then as soon as you get there its gone?

So ok, well...I guess thats why I call them rants...a rant is better left to the wind without a topic sometimes, that gives it more room to grow into...um...something?

ever find someone who is so good at...well, everything they do? Its as if they sit and study and practice every single thing on this earth and make sure that that are good at it. And don't you at random times just wish you could find the one thing they arn't good at just so you could learn up on it and kill them it it? lol..well, very rarely but sometimes I feel that way. Tis one person is just amazing, or at least slightly talented at everything they do and sometimes this feeling just rises up in my heart where, I just stink.

Now okey, I know I don't stink, I'm good at a few things, I have those things I'm great at and those things I'm bad at..and everything else inbetween so hey, I'm happy. But sometimes I just want to o something with the person then think twice about it cause I know I'll get killed at it.

ever get that feeling?

ever get that feeling that your starting to strive to be as good as that person?

ever get the sudden feeling that, as good as that person is at everything...that striving for that isn't enough?

Its a funny feeling, as much as I would like to do everything well, as much as I would love to be musical and phisical and good with art and launguage and writing and the list goes on and on...I know that Jesus is better, why not aim just a little higher? An interesting thought that sometimes gets lost in out life mission to better ourselves. Sometimes we are so consumed with just, being like that one perfect person, or that CA or that man speaking in class that you forget that they arn't perfect...in fact they are far from it. Why not instead of striving to acheve the flawed we strive to be like Christ who is infact perfect. True we will never be that perfect being but Jesus gave us some pretty good pointers on how to get real close to living a Godly lifestyle.

Sometimes I like to just sit and think...sometimes I just wish I could have someone walk in while I'm thinking and ask me what I'm thinking about, ever get that? Like God is sending you something awsome and you just want to share it. And as you sit and pray and ponder and wonder, you sit and take it all in and in that moment you just have to releace it onto the world. Thats kinda why I like writing these rants...it gives me a chance to pour out my thoughts, my dreams and God's words from me to you. If you see me and I'm all alone just thinking do be discoureged to come up and ask what I'm thinking about cause you never know what God will be saying, and it just might be ment for your ears and heart as well.

Sometimes I get so angry...

don't you find sometimes that, as you walk around tyler or wherever away from campus that sometimes your still holding people to that higher standerd? Like do you ever get annoyed if people don't open doors for a lady? I know I just wanna walk over there and rebuke them. But thats not all, and some things I think even the "outside world" needs to be rebuked about, like tonight I was in the ghetto wallmart with a sister and some fellow selfless men of God (:D) and I was just standing around looking kinda goofy as is the ashby way as I was waiting for the others to gather the stuff they needed so we could get back to campus. Well as I looked around aimlessly I saw some guy with an awcward glance looking just behind me, it was odd enough to catch my attention and follow his gaize. Then as I did so I came to the realization that the gaze was aimed twords my fellow sister in Christ.

Ever have one of those moments where you just want to hurt someone then ask forgivness later?

anyway I was....um...agitated at this glance this person was giving my sister and my flesh just wanted blood...well, maybe not that bad but I was angry! I mean ok, should this be expected while being out in the world? yeah, am I alowed to be angry? darn right I am. So now the folks are asking themselves...

"so Ashby, what did you do?"

well, I forced the violant earges away and just looked at the guy, and moved just ever so slightly enough to grab his eyes away from my sister and onto my less then amused glare back at him, he quickly shot his face back into the mag he had into his hands...

Ever have one of those moments where you wonder if you used the right amount of love in a cercumstance?

Well, in eather case it looked like I got the point across the the young man to not let his eyes stray onto my sister like that ever again....but back to the point of me bringing this up...

sometimes I get so angry.

The world makes me angry people. Thats a fact. And the more I move about it the more angry I become and the more I come to an understanding of this...holy rage building inside of me, I need to see change in this world! We need to start treating eachother with purity and integrety! WE NEED JESUS!!! WE NEED THE TRUTH!!! Not this junk that churches like to spew out but REAL TRUTH!!! AHH!!!

ok, I leave that for another post I just had to Blarg abuot that.

Well, I love you all, peace out.

o, and life to yo mamma :P

,Ashby
- posted by Kai @ 1/17/2004 06:57:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
The Skate Park and I
well, I have done it..I have crossed that thin line between being seen in a skate park and not...I'm actually getting better...not that I'm getting good by any strech of the imagination but I'm getting better. The next time out I want to try dropping in into the mini and see how I go from there, by the end of the year I want to be able to drop into the vert. Hehehe, then I can get home and totaly show up my brother and thats what its all about right? LOL. Soon enough I'm gonna order my new board and thats gonna rock! No more borrowing boards from people who actually skate.

Other then that not much going on in life these days, just spent the day chilling and skating today and thats pretty well it. Be sure to check out some of my friends "Xanga" sites. Get to know some of the awsome peeps I see everyday :) (cept Rob who left the HA before Christmas, he's a real cool dood)
- posted by Kai @ 1/17/2004 06:15:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
Time to blog once again...
ok, so the follow up post on dumb people won't happen cause I like it that way :P lol

it seems that in certain cercumstances I may be wrong about some things...and no, most if you have no idea what I'm talking about but for those that do (ie. the Bro's and sistas from Lamad Ohana) the situ with Ricky is hecka more complex then I made it out to be...those crazy catholics. Ah well, anywho...

So I haven 't written much depth in here as of late, I dunno why...maybe its the total range of people that read this, maybe it gets me kinda scared to share my heart...cause now its more then just close friends, its people of whome I have no idea who they are as well so that changes the way the mind works amidst all the crazyness of life.

Then as I look onto other friends and there "Xanga" sites (yuck) and other such journal sites I realize that I have something real cool here...I might as well use it right? YupYup. ...ack, must go...l8rz
- posted by Kai @ 1/13/2004 07:51:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
hmmm...
Well, time to rant on my own blog for a change, I have been doing alot of ranting on lamadohana.com as of late and forgot all about my loyal readers here. Sorry peeps, but I'm back and ready to spit out something random that will make no sence once your done reading. Praise the Lord :)

So I'm going through this week right, sleeping on the floor following age old gauntlett selfless tradition, and as a side affect of this, am not sleep as well as I normaly would. This also causes yet another side afect of me having lots of time to stare at the stecko above me and ponder life. And the more I think, the more I come to the age old conclusion that people are inherently dumb. Well, ok...so really we're inharently evil...its all in the same lol. But don't some of you find that as well? Talk to people individualy and you can have an intellegent conversation...get a bunch of people together and its like you take the added iq's off all the people there, divide that number by the number of people there...divide that number by 2...minus about three HUNDRED and you get the iq of the group as a whole. Its a very scary thought as well. But I won't drag on too long about that subject. I just wanted to toss out somehting random for you peeps to chew on for now, I'll return tomorrow for a follow up post hopfully :) l8rz

- posted by Kai @ 1/11/2004 03:58:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
And the silance is broken...
Gauntlet all over again AHH!

lol so yeah, where have I been lately? I have been ...well... remember when I first got here back in aug, when I wasn't around for a week or so? Well its all happening all over again. We got a new class again and we're going though gauntlet week again...means waking up early and exercising and a whole lot of stuff...life is crazy once again :) but the new peeps are really cool, I'm excited to get to know them.

So I've been back for almost two weeks, last week was odd, only some of us where back...ug, can't think...so tired....*snore* well, maybe I'll be back when I can focus lol...peace.

Serving in Peace and Faith,
Chris
- posted by Kai @ 1/08/2004 07:07:00 a.m. (0) comments