post from lamadohana.com<-
um, ok..I was going to talk about something...AHH! Don't you hate it when you come to a place for one very spacific reason then as soon as you get there its gone?

So ok, well...I guess thats why I call them rants...a rant is better left to the wind without a topic sometimes, that gives it more room to grow into...um...something?

ever find someone who is so good at...well, everything they do? Its as if they sit and study and practice every single thing on this earth and make sure that that are good at it. And don't you at random times just wish you could find the one thing they arn't good at just so you could learn up on it and kill them it it? lol..well, very rarely but sometimes I feel that way. Tis one person is just amazing, or at least slightly talented at everything they do and sometimes this feeling just rises up in my heart where, I just stink.

Now okey, I know I don't stink, I'm good at a few things, I have those things I'm great at and those things I'm bad at..and everything else inbetween so hey, I'm happy. But sometimes I just want to o something with the person then think twice about it cause I know I'll get killed at it.

ever get that feeling?

ever get that feeling that your starting to strive to be as good as that person?

ever get the sudden feeling that, as good as that person is at everything...that striving for that isn't enough?

Its a funny feeling, as much as I would like to do everything well, as much as I would love to be musical and phisical and good with art and launguage and writing and the list goes on and on...I know that Jesus is better, why not aim just a little higher? An interesting thought that sometimes gets lost in out life mission to better ourselves. Sometimes we are so consumed with just, being like that one perfect person, or that CA or that man speaking in class that you forget that they arn't perfect...in fact they are far from it. Why not instead of striving to acheve the flawed we strive to be like Christ who is infact perfect. True we will never be that perfect being but Jesus gave us some pretty good pointers on how to get real close to living a Godly lifestyle.

Sometimes I like to just sit and think...sometimes I just wish I could have someone walk in while I'm thinking and ask me what I'm thinking about, ever get that? Like God is sending you something awsome and you just want to share it. And as you sit and pray and ponder and wonder, you sit and take it all in and in that moment you just have to releace it onto the world. Thats kinda why I like writing these rants...it gives me a chance to pour out my thoughts, my dreams and God's words from me to you. If you see me and I'm all alone just thinking do be discoureged to come up and ask what I'm thinking about cause you never know what God will be saying, and it just might be ment for your ears and heart as well.

Sometimes I get so angry...

don't you find sometimes that, as you walk around tyler or wherever away from campus that sometimes your still holding people to that higher standerd? Like do you ever get annoyed if people don't open doors for a lady? I know I just wanna walk over there and rebuke them. But thats not all, and some things I think even the "outside world" needs to be rebuked about, like tonight I was in the ghetto wallmart with a sister and some fellow selfless men of God (:D) and I was just standing around looking kinda goofy as is the ashby way as I was waiting for the others to gather the stuff they needed so we could get back to campus. Well as I looked around aimlessly I saw some guy with an awcward glance looking just behind me, it was odd enough to catch my attention and follow his gaize. Then as I did so I came to the realization that the gaze was aimed twords my fellow sister in Christ.

Ever have one of those moments where you just want to hurt someone then ask forgivness later?

anyway I was....um...agitated at this glance this person was giving my sister and my flesh just wanted blood...well, maybe not that bad but I was angry! I mean ok, should this be expected while being out in the world? yeah, am I alowed to be angry? darn right I am. So now the folks are asking themselves...

"so Ashby, what did you do?"

well, I forced the violant earges away and just looked at the guy, and moved just ever so slightly enough to grab his eyes away from my sister and onto my less then amused glare back at him, he quickly shot his face back into the mag he had into his hands...

Ever have one of those moments where you wonder if you used the right amount of love in a cercumstance?

Well, in eather case it looked like I got the point across the the young man to not let his eyes stray onto my sister like that ever again....but back to the point of me bringing this up...

sometimes I get so angry.

The world makes me angry people. Thats a fact. And the more I move about it the more angry I become and the more I come to an understanding of this...holy rage building inside of me, I need to see change in this world! We need to start treating eachother with purity and integrety! WE NEED JESUS!!! WE NEED THE TRUTH!!! Not this junk that churches like to spew out but REAL TRUTH!!! AHH!!!

ok, I leave that for another post I just had to Blarg abuot that.

Well, I love you all, peace out.

o, and life to yo mamma :P

,Ashby
- posted by Kai @ 1/17/2004 06:57:00 p.m.