(Sleep - Spell) (Can I have it?)

So I get home today and sleep...sleep for a long while, finally get up and realise that I missed Leigh-Anne, she's at class...realise that I I might as well go back to bed, and not I'm up all sleeped out and, now realizing the error of my ways...I need now to sleep to be rested for tomorrow and I'm as awake as ever.

/t Leigh-Anne sorry I didn't call you, I ment too but I missed you :( I feel bad... forgivness? (Do you have it?)

I am the monkey, I can go anywhere...

So now I sit, I was kinda hoping Leigh-Anne would be online, but it would seem she is not...beh, can anyone sing me a lulaby? Maybe I could count sheep....1...2...3...DEAD SHEEP!! O GOODNESS NO, WHY!?! O WHY?!?

So, I'm working full time now, its kool...I like my new job within the store, I'm off cash (Config)ulations me! :) I now have three sections under my supervision, a rather large responcibility...I have housewares, paper/school supplies and o yes, my not so personal favorite the "personal/fem products" everything from condoms to tampons...blah, so yeah....its rather interesting at best, but I like to see it like this. Its future husbend training :D think about it...if the wife needs some "fem-product" picked up from the store at some point...I won't be TOTALY clueless as to what she is talking about. So, um..yeah, thats me pulling the best out of a situation lol...o yeah, and I also have the pet-food, which somehow is part of "housewares" lol...no idea about that one :P o, AND keeping the floors and such spick-and-span is my job as well, also within the job discription is recieving orders that come in. So yeah, I'm going to be a pretty busy tired man 5 days a week now...sheesh, well, at least time should fly by at work now....

So yeah, about that whole sleep thing...I really need to be tired right about now...this isn't good, I have to be up in 5 hours...eek...hmmm

hmm, this is about the time I wish Mandragara's where real and really used sleep all the time and I had one in my room right now and it wouldn't kill me but just put me to sleep...

Do I play Final Fantasy XI a little too much? (Yes.)

Well, not as much as I used too...I've got better things to do... :D

like sleep...

hmm...

sleep...

Well, back to bed for me, much love all.

(Bee) seeing you l8r

- posted by Kai @ 1/31/2005 09:36:00 p.m. (0) comments

 





We're growing up :) wow eh?

- posted by Kai @ 1/26/2005 09:49:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
its so odd...
so, I recieved a well earned "Woh boy.." from one of the Tiffs I know, unsure as to which one :P

letting go is hard at times, you don't want to let go of something that has made you so happy for so long...that day was hard, but conviction does set in and I remember all too well that Christ does indeed fill that void in my life..not Leigh-Anne, not anything or anyone else....just Him...o glory glory to You my Lord.

I tend to be a very emotional person inside and yet am often stone clad on the outside...I have no idea as to the reason why this is but I wonder for only a breif second if it where something that happened in my past, some sort of emotianal scaring that leaves me not unable to cry ourwardly when there are nothing but tears on the inside...or perhaps I'm overlooking one key thing...that God made me who I am and maybe this has some devine perpose...maybe the absence of tears will help another...maybe it has already...who knows, I just hope and pray that for one day I will do nothing but cry tears of joy....for there shall be no sorrow in this life...for God is here and has FREED ME!!!

I feel like having a party and I don't know why...
as though things are working out for the better and I am starting to see the plan unfold and O GOD its so GOOD!

Do I dare not remember to thank and glorify God for all he has done in me and for me in the past few months? How could I be so bold..I have air to breath and a place to catch my foot while I walk is that not enough to praise God for? And then still He blesses us with every little detail o how WONDEROUS He is...

Love, I have come to understand cannot be truly felt unless God is somewhere in the picture...if He is not its lust and emotion..nothing real...nothing with substance


o.....BUT when God runs the show, when he is the focus when he fules the love heck, HE IS LOVE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! then o my word will you know a romance that is like no other, you will soon see the reason for why there is a "Song of Songs" you will soon see why Love is key, why Ruth was wirtten why...o why we humans just lose ourselves in something that seems a distant memory in this day and age, ah my friends I am in love with the God of all creation, and he has sent me an angil to manifest that love twords....o how sweet it is when God's timing and our waiting meet up in that abiss at last

My friends who walk along the path hear me, you are never alone....you miss your relations with the opposite gender I tell you, I pleade seek not them but seek the Lord! Once you stop seeking that which you think will make you happy, the Lord will bless you with something far more amazing then you where ever looking for....and sometimes it may be that which was right under your nose for so long... :)

I am not worthy, dang am I ever not worthy...the more I think about it the more I am dumbfounded by it...I should be in some gutter awaiting my turn though the gates of hell as a sinner but...it would seem that God thoght it Good to...

Love.

I feel endebted in a way that is not fair....I could say I owe my life to Jesus but truly this life is not worth enough..

All I have is my love to give...

Praise be to Him...One

I adore you Leigh-Anne, my Angel...I'm not worthy.

- posted by Kai @ 1/24/2005 10:44:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
there is very little I know about love, very little anyone really knows about it...the love between a man and a woman, its like something out of a storybook...it has the power to make one do amazing things, crazy things. I just wish there was something crazy I could do right now...like hop the next plane to Texas...if it where that easy I would be at the airport right now.

I look at her picture and I think about the time we had, this past month...so amazing why did it have to end? I think now about our time apart...seeing her face only in the pictures I have...

I came home from work tonight...and she wasn't there playing the sims or checking her Xanga or talking to her father...my computer was vacent and the TV was off...and I start to wonder why I didn't do like they do in the movies...stop her at the gate, tell her she can't go...that she can stay forever....just like in the movies, in my dreams.

you've got my honour and I'm comming for it.
I love you girl, and I miss you like heck.

- posted by Kai @ 1/20/2005 09:52:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
Alone Again
...Thank You Lord for giving us the extra time...

I'm unsure as to how I'm supposed to feel right now. I just got home from seeing Leigh-Anne off at the airport and well...suddenly there is an emptyness. I look to this bag of cerial or the blankets on the coutch or any number of other things...and I expect to see her there, maybe she's just using the restroom and she'll be right back...right?

I wan't to cry...it hurts.

Lord take the pain away please...
I know what I said before, but just this once let me cry...

...thankyou...

you, get used to having someone around after a month. Used to holding her hand used to being close to her, kissing her...looking into her eyes. Used to her voice used to...her beauty.

I'm not going to be uber happy for awhile.

Lord be my strength. Please.

I love her.

- posted by Kai @ 1/20/2005 06:03:00 a.m. (0) comments

 
Song of Songs 2:2

- posted by Kai @ 1/19/2005 10:35:00 a.m. (0) comments

 
haha Kristy...I'm Canada

You're Canada!

People make fun of you a lot, but they're stupid because you've
got a much better life than they do.  In fact, they're probably just jealous.
 You believe in crazy things like human rights and health care and not
dying in the streets, and you end up securing these rights for yourself and
others.  If it weren't for your weird affection for ice hockey, you'd be
the perfect person.
Take
the Country Quiz at the href="http://bluepyramid.org">Blue Pyramid

- posted by Kai @ 1/11/2005 08:54:00 a.m. (0) comments

 

What rating is your journal?
brought to you by Quizilla

- posted by Kai @ 1/09/2005 09:26:00 p.m. (0) comments

 
past
for a long time now my dreams have been marked with one commenality that I have yet to truly understand yet, somehow I already know the answer I seek.

Its the Honor Academy.

Wether its the new super-dorm with zombie interns comming after me or JoJo hiding her new toung-ring duiring a visit to the HA. Running into Brent during a bike-ride or, having Leigh-Anne's mom give me a most interesting message during alimni weekend.

Do I miss it so much? Indeed I watch others move on with there lives...am I still stuch in that time in my life? Is there more for me there?

I thought about how the Jan's graduated, then I thought of how I bearly know anyone on campus now...and it shot a kind of pain though my body that I didn't much like.

The more I look at myslef today as apposed to the days before my internhsip I am, pleased and very much in a sence of wow as to what the Lord has done within me...most of which I never saw untill recently.

I mean, at work that are thinking of making me a supervisor and I have only been there a few months...why is this? cause I am trusted I have been told. Because I "know how to do things and do them" but to me I'm just doing my job. There is nothing special about it. I do my job and am gratefull for the chance to searve...is that so special? I wish it wasn't. I wish I wasn't so special sometimes...maybe thats the thing I liked the most about the internship...I wasn't so special. Honour was the norm and a high calobar of people was the bulk of the internship. Everyday I went into that kitchen and felt alive because the people around me where...so amazing and with that the where..rubbing off onto me somehow. Now I look at my place of employment and at times I am..angered if that makes sence. the people who have been there years say there is no use in careing about your dead-end job...take an extra 15-20 mins on your break..show up late, they arn't going to fire you. Sit down and go to sleep in the middle of an overnight...your still getting paid are you not? AHH!! Makes me sick! Not only are these things just plain retarded but screw up everything else for the rest of the people who are working along-side with you.

You show up 10-mins early so you can get yourself counted and ready to go in good time...you take your breaks as scedualed so the next person isn't kept waiting and doesn't lose there break at the end of the night....and more importantly you show the older generation somthing...that maybe we arn't the lazy care-free slacker loser generation that they have seen for so long.

You don't see the older folk doing this stuff...

I for one will not be apart of this lazy-loser-slacker generation anymore.

You hear me?

so well, if I do get this promotion...let pride be cast away from me. Because pride would be the end of me.

And let jealous hearts be made aware of why it would be me the unworthy.

I'm am so unworthy of everything I have been given...everyhing in my life right now I wish I only knew why I am blessed so. I did nothing to desurve such things as I have. All I can do is work hard to somehow be desurving...

My friends...the ones here and the ones I have not seen for too long, my family...my silly sister who claimes I hate her when I love her more then she could know...my father and mother who have always cared for me even when I couldn't see it, my brother who through his blind following of his own distruction I can still see somewhere deep inside...a real man. He just needs to find it and stick with it.

Ryan I wish you read this...there comes a time in one's life they must make the hard choises...between these so-called friends who only cause your own self-distruction, and you...the one who can change everything for himself if only he would try.

Unworthy I am of all I have...especially that of the wonderful woman Leigh-Anne of whome I care for so deeply.

I love her you see. I have said that before I know, but there has been nothing like this. I care for her...enough that I would wait a lifetime for her. its an odd feeling for sure, I have never cared enough to wait any length of time at all really, for anything.

Another thing I have seen changed in me...a willingness to...wait things out :)

Well, I think by now everyone who has started to read this has given up and moved on (my readers being very few and far between anyway :P) so I will cut this short and move on with my day.

Much love all. Peace.

- posted by Kai @ 1/07/2005 07:50:00 a.m. (0) comments

 
Reflections of the lost little boy
looks like I am the first one up today, truth be told I love these times by myself...alone just me and my thoughts. Just me and God. The past two weeks have been the best few weeks in my life...I fear the 18th, but I hide that away cause I know she does too. Why should one fear what has to be? As humans we fear death but its a natural occerance, we cannot deny it nor can we run from it. We humans also fear change, it seems written into us to fear what is different, mostly because we are a people of routene.

I never want this to end...the time I have been spending here with my best friend...and I guess the best thing to do is live it out one day at a time and not think about the day when I have to watch her leave to get on that plane and head home.

Leigh-Anne, I don't really care where we end up or how we get there...as long as God leads our every step and with him there is peace. 3 years is a long time. But we've gotten pretty good at waiting haven't we? lol

So, what have I been up too?

I spent the whole week leading up to and including Christmas at my folks place, good times. I miss them all so much sometimes. I'm enjoying this new found peace between myself and my father that was mostly unexpected and...really nice. I think one of the biggest things that the HA taught me was that maybe...just maybe everything wasn't everyone elses falt and maybe the reason my father and I never really got along was because I never really aloud it to happen. I was deturmined to fail.

My mother and I of course beat eachother up (correction I beat her up :P) and much fun was had..though her working out is noticable...now I almost have to try lol (pokes fun at mom's fake plastic muscles) mom is a hoot and dad still has no sence of humor (its funny I think when dad is beating me up in the living room and mom says something we laugh it off...then when mom and I are beating up eachother in the kitchen well, wait....we laugh it off as well lol. Does anyone listen to anyone in that house anymore? :P Mom, you rock but your gonna have to work our more to take me on wahaha! And old man, I'm comming for you..

it must be odd being my kid sista...all alone, the last of the tribal kids to have yet to make there way out into the wide world. Alone with the tribal parents...GET OUT KID BEFORE THEY GET HUNGRY!! Um..I mean you rock Kid.

And yes, as Leigh-Anne knows now.

I treat all my sisters as I do my real sister back home.

Wahaha

speaking of sisters I had the awesome chance to talk with a few of dem the other day (while I was about to pass out from being over tired lol) that was nice. I like it when people can call me (wink*) its fun.

So, my dream last night was odd...and as usual I don't remember most of it...but what I do remember is, interesting.

Most of my dreams the past month or so have related to the HA somehow...this time around I was on a bikeride though the country...trying to get somewhere (I forget where) when I came across a while junkload or people biking in a pack...I tryed to make it through the pack as they where going much slower then I liked and I saw Brent. caught me off guard. It was great to see him again and I asked him what (the heck) he was doing in Canada and well, thats when I woke up :P

boo

ah well, life is so good now, waken up ain't so bad :D I'm liven my dream.

Remember commitment?
I guess its a sign of character...

to me? Its a way of life...wouldn't you agree?

Remember the commitment banquet?
How could I forget?

Its kinda funny if you think about it that...
the day I met Leigh-Anne
would be the day I promise to hold everything back...
to wait the year.

Commitment, isn't it amusing to meet your one true love.
Just before you make a life changing commitment?

and then...4 years after they make that commitment to themselves....they make another one...

to eachother?

the circle of life my friends. The circle of life.

I remember something else I did a while ago...
at something called the "Ring Banquet"

Commited to...a life of Honour
Semper Honorablus

I remember the Line...all those who have come before...and those that come after. The dreamers...world changers. The Trailer men (whether or not they take the class or not means nothing...being a true Trailer man is in the heart not in some curriculum) and the Alpha Women (ditto)

Men: Take a moment to reflect. Who do you look up to now. Who are the Trailer Men in your life the ones that help you along. Never think of Trailer Club as just some class from the HA...its a name given to the men who, unlike the rest of the world...choose not with there mind but

with there hearts

to...live the differance, to live remembering the very essence of what "honour" really is. We are the protectors, the armor bearors the warriors.

We, are the tested...the worn. We are...the victourious.

We are the Men in the Kingdom of Heaven...sworn to defend this world against the contunuious onslaught of evil against this world...

does it sound like some comic book dream?
Every dream has a place in reality...and not every reality can be seen with the naked eye...but those whose eye of the spirit is opened can see the truth.

Trailer Men, take it from me...
find an Alpha women...a women that holds close to her heart the Word
a women who is strong that will walk the path with you.

No matter how hard it may be.

find that one that God Himself walks into your life.

and always remember.
What one man can do,
another man can do.

much love.

P.S. I just thought I would add this to my loves post...God has placed he and I together for a BIG purpose. God knows the time apart will be hard, but with His comfort and love for us both we will get through the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months...maybe even years ( pray I would see him more often then that ;) ) He means alot to me...I feel everyone knows that already. :)

I also fear the 18th...and my prince, you seem so strong...you sit beside me when I cry of fear...you tell me to have faith and my heart is calm...I praise the Lord for you and your willingness to do what is right...your willingness not the place anything in your own hands, but in the hands of our Father. You amaze me...You stand strong even when it hurts you the most. I will be there for you...holding you close to my heart and praying for you as well. I look forward to our life together *wink*. The wait is long, but it is will be worth every second. Trust me...The Lord has great plans for us in the years to come. I wait for you, my prince!!!

Much Love, Leigh-Anne

- posted by Kai @ 1/03/2005 08:19:00 a.m. (0) comments