It would appear I'm still alive...
I was reading old posts from when I was in the HA and realized I had alot more to say then then I seem to now. I suppose more happened to me in one day there then in a month here lol, but still...I find myself in a routien of nothing, I work, I rest, I sleep.

My mind seems to be on nothing in particular, I remember when I was always thinking, always had something new on my mind, be it Biblical theoligy, human interactions, friendships in general or the non-stop backlash of the things I wrote on my online journal.

But now, the best way to get through work is to shut my brain down and function on nothing but routine and then I come home and sit...really to tired to do much of anything. I listen and engage Adam in meaningless conversation about the state of the video-game industry for hours as a cheap substitute of the more meaningful conversation I got so fond of while cooking up some grub in the caf. at the HA.

my only escape from the numbing state of life is my conversations with Leigh-Anne, though often times I see myself dragging those conversations down to something I'm more comfterble with these days...brainless drabble.

I remember this summer when I was staying at Teen Mania, I had the chance to meet a then-current HA intern whom was to me the very thing that the HA was to produce, a leader. We discused many things about our internships, about who we are as men in this generation and discussed things much deeper then the surface dribble of the now. the same with my converstions with my CA and very good friends of whom I seem to take for granted...a sin I know.

Really in the midst of all this, the one thing I feel is alone. I wish Leigh was here, I miss her so much...I miss her the most. Though our nightly conversations give me a spark of life I wish to touch her, to hold her close and never let go.

My love language is touch...and I haven't been hugged in a very long time.

but, anywho I'm late, better shut my brain down now and head off to mind distroying work....oi
- posted by Kai @ 11/22/2005 12:53:00 p.m.