Mexico ends, Internship ending...emotional Ashby
I want to tell you all of the amazing wonderful things that God did on my trip to Mexico, and truly He did. over 17,000 salvations on Z trip alone, not counting X and Y and the month long A, B, and C trips....just that alone, and the thousands of healings and wow....and the first Mexican ATF called "ExMax" and soo much...

but...

all I can seem to think about is that day, the day that seems to be comming in like a fraight trian while I'm on the tracks staring it down like a deer trapped in the headlights. Its going to hit me...its going to hurt..and right now much like the deer there isn't anything I can do...I'm frozen and I can't even move and I might as well just let it hit me...

I want to go home, so much of me can smell mom's home cooking and can hear Kid's whining and dad's singing and Ryan's loud music and I miss it all...I miss it alot. That same part of me misses time with friends...go read Kristy's last post, the one on memories and I was there in all but one of them...I remember and miss those times as well, I miss lan parties and staying up all night going ABSOLUTLY NOTHING if you really think about it. I miss being about to just get away from home for a few weeks at a time sometimes until the guilt or the folks calling very angry made me come back home, I miss the feeling after comming home realising that I should be with my family...loving them. I miss church, I miss BOYB I miss Pam and Donald I miss Cathy and Cathy, I miss that feeling like I need to punch Karen in the face, or slap Dane REALLY REALLY hard because they where once awesome friends and they still can be if they...if all of us take the focus off ourselves...I miss wing nights, I miss Chris, I miss the times we would just hang out, I miss our friendship to be honest. I'm sad that he's angry at God...I saw the pain in his eyes while I was talking about my faith to his girlfriend...

but I don't miis myself back then...

I don't miss the lonlyness I felt so often, I don't miss my backsliding, I don't miis my weak faith and my ways around the "rules" I don't miss my lieing to get out of troble, I don't miss my "romantic" relationships...

I'm going to miss the HA. I'm going to miss the countless night sitting in upstairs Elliot just talking about God with other men of God, I'm going to miss Weekend Risk that ended up turning into weekend Settelers somehow...I'm going to miss the teachings, Dave Hasz, Ron Luce, I'm going to miss church, CCF, going to miss Dave Hicky and his "in your face" preaching...going to miss worship, I'm goin gto miss Selfless...those men are amazing I love them all. I'm going to miss Trailer Club with Mr. Heath Stoner and I'm going to miss this beautiful campus...the only nice place in Texas! I'm goin gto miss late night talks with Denver...diving deep...I'm going to miss the actual deep conversations, the deep friendships...I'm going to miss the accountability. I'm goin gto miss the push to grow...people always challenging me to push forward and never looking back. The push to be something more then I ever thought I could be. I'm going to miss Friends who stick by you all the way from praying for you before your trip to meeting you after (Liegh-Anne, thanks...you an amazing friend and you did more for me then I ever did for you....thanks for being my sister)

I'm going to miss my friends here.

I already miss my homies from Mexico, I miss my team. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Denzel, Ben, Doty...my MAG, you are the Army of One! I love you guys! Keep it up! July, you kept the energy alive even when we didn't want to be energetic...WHO ARE WE?? WANAHOCKALOOGY! Al, my favorite American/Mexican friend, thanks for translating for me with the guy in the black shirt...he got it :) Thanks for being and friend.

I'm going to miss my sister cores....I love them all so much, admitidly some of them maybe too much :P lol you all rock and you have each touched my heart...feep fighting the good fight ladies...every Trailer Man can't be that without a Alpha woman to back him up.

We're all going out, with a mission. To take over the world...And we'll do it.

All of you, everyone...from all my friends back home too all my friends here in Texas from the K-Crew to Selfless to all of Lamad-Ohana, from the "Group" back home (remember that all so original name? lol) to my most awesome family and everyone inbetween...

I love you all.

and whether I'm comming or going, whether we are going our own ways or I'm comming back your way...I'll see you again don't you worry. And I love you.

- posted by Kai @ 8/08/2004 03:18:00 p.m.