Fear
Am I letting my own fears get in the way of something beautiful? I catch myself looking back to the past and shaking my head and fearing that somehow its all going to start all over again and the train will soon be off its tracks again

but how does one step forward if he's always looking back?

I know alot more now then I did before...so many lessons learned the hard way, and a few that I didn't have to in that fasion...alot of advice and alot of teachings and I find myself back here at the crossroads. God is waiting for me to step out once again for I often forget to step in hopes that he will steer me anyway but more often then not it doesn't work that way does it? You step then He guides...

I remember my conversation last night...follow your heart he said, he started talking about how he and his wife first got together...everything was stacked against them...he feared so much, always thought he would let down her children who needed a father...but he knew somehow that it was God's will for them to be together...

and he took that step...
and now they are as happy as any friench couple can be lol...

but whatever happends friendship will always come first :) the one thing I learned this past year that I will never forget...friendship

have I ever told you about the odd reason of why I prefur to be called "Ashby" by friends? I picked this up during the time I had a silly crush on this girl in high school...helped me out alot to think about when she turned me down cause she didn't date and even if she did he would have to be Christian lol...go fig huh? anyway I started to notice how all my friends called me "Ashby" much like they did in the HA and I started to invision my future and as crushes go I pictured my wife as this person from high school but when I invisioned her speak to me...I couldn't picture her call me Chris, all that would come out of her mouth when she would refer to me was "Ashby" and I guess from then on I always held to the thought that my friends will call me "Ashby" and I love it...but one day when all is said and done and I look into my wife's eyes she's going to call me Chris. Something special you know? Something beyond friendship...but it all starts with Ashby first lol....

I don't know why I wanted to share that with y'all but there you have it :)

o, and thank you for taking a small time out of your day to come and find out what I'm up too up here :) you don't know how much joy it brings to my heart to find out that someone else reads this thing :) (it was Krys today) so yeah..comment and just let me know you where here :P

much love from the land where WE BEAT THE USA 2-1 TONIGHT IN THE FIRST GAME OF THE WORLD CUP OF HOCKEY!! (ah yes, its good to be home :) )

- posted by Kai @ 8/31/2004 09:01:00 p.m.