No Idea what to write about....
So I'm just sitting here just looking at a screen...in the epi center while listening to Jonah 33 and thats about it.

I have felt for a long time as though I've just been in a daze the past little while, as though no amount of sleep can wake me up, as though nothing I can do can fulfill this longing for more I have deep inside.

The danger I have noticed when taping into the thurst for knowlage, the thurst for more of Gos and following the road that leads you straight into the battle grounds is that once you tap into this...

there's no going back...

and you start to become used to being fed, so used to being taught and learning and getting so much from God that you start to feed off of it, its a good place to be for sure...but now my lazy side...my fleshy icy side wants to sit and do nothing as I would always do but every other part of my is fighting to do something different. One part of me wants to go finish this book I'm reading by C.S. Lewis while another wants to get started on this study of Acts I've been wanting to do while another side wants to get a good start on this weeks CA homework while yet another side of me just wants to write.

Guess which part is winning right now?

I just stumbled on the book I started writing last semester and was reading though it not long ago...its actually good..wierd I might continue it sometime after I finish my year here. And I have been really starting to think about writing a book about passion...or something, passion is just the thing that came to mind first...I have no idea why I would write a book and who would care but I don't know. Just seems like something fun to do. What do you people think? Honest answers now :P

One thing I really need to do is buckle down and really dive deeper in the Lord...I just feel as though I've been focusing on so much around me that I've almost...no I have been shunning the Lord for other meaningless tasks. Blah...hate it.

So I still need that thousand or so dollars...if you want to donate a few bucks that would be cool :) I felt bad today for buying some shampoo and seeing a movie today....who needs to be clean if I could be out there changing the world? lol...well..no I'm not that crazy...a stinky man isn't the best witness in most cases (unless I suppose your reaching out to the homeless living on the streets...hmm)

So recently I have realised that I get so angry at Christians more then anything...I mean you expect a sinner to sin but you expect a little more from a "Christian"...at least I do. But I remember back in the day (well, actually I remember reading about such times) when so many awful things where done in the name of God...*sigh* what in the world?!?!? Did these people even read the word of God at all? Doubtful at very best. Something about being a humble servant of all really got missed in most Christians..heck even myself *hits self with shoe* geh, dumb me! Anyway also just the little things as well...

So we have this unnammed incomming leader on campus comming through the line for dinner and well, he has a missianary tag on, o well....he's in the wrong place cause he's supposed to eat in the SAC, I'll just remind him and he'll go off and we'll all be happy...ug *slaps self from fairytale land* well, so I see the tag and remind him that he can't eat in the caf and he has to eat in the Sac as was expressed to all interns by Mr. Hasz himself and he's like "Well, I'm going to be gone for a week and I want to eat with my friends so I'm just going to eat here...besids I only got processed as a missionary today" sounds good. In fact he has good cause to want to eat in the caf exept for one thing....the one thing that has been pounded into our heads since we started this whole thing and this is why I'm angered that the situation even happened...

Integrety

The system is set up for a reason and some people eat in one place while others eat in another thus stated by the lead team...should there really be a question? We have numbers we have to keep as does the sack but thats not the issue...if your asked to do something you do it and stop with the whiny sob story about why you don't want too! I know this sounds harsh but lets take this into a slightly altered light

Lets take the same person and lets say that God himself asked him to do something he didn't really want to do...

I fear that in this same mindset that with the sometimes all so suttle voice of God that this individual whould plead with God Himself saying "But! It won't harm anything if I do it one way or another...nobody will be impacted eather way and I really just want to eat with my friends..." see my point? Let me make it a little more clear...

In the situation in the caf, in his mind there was no need to follow the guidlines set before him because he saw that nobody would be impacted by the desision of eating in the caf other then the sac therefore justifying a very very small and meaningless act of rebelion against the rules to be with friends he won't see for a while...

in the Bible, rebelion and whichcraft are in the same boat...and no sin is lesser or greater then the other...sin is sin...

I don't give a rip about the fact that he wanted to eat in the caf....this isn't the issue...its the fact that he sinned and waved it off for comfort you know what I mean? Its all about integrity...to do what is expected of us regardless of expedeancy..or..um, however you spell it

I'm not perfect by any strech of the imagination..heck I fall and fall and fall and only by the grace of God and His everlasting love that I'm made clean and am forgiven...I fall too..it just hurts to see someone sell there integrity for some time with friends you know? Friends are important for sure but what if God set someone in the sac for him to meet up with and minister to...just the questions of life I guess.

dang man...with the length of some of my posts I could write a book for sure lol...well, peace.
- posted by Kai @ 7/10/2004 09:18:00 p.m.