Battle
I don't know what this is but I can't let it stick, I can't let this feeling consume me very essence for if I do it has all been for loss. This feeling anger is deep, as though there is unforgivness and bitterness but from where or what I have no clue. So many things annoy me and anger me and I can't just give up the useless feelings for love. Love has become hard for me and as I SCREEM out to God all I hear is the stirn voice of the Father saying "you have forgotten" and with one month left in this place I now seem to call home I feel as though once again I'm starting anew. Afraid of what is to come, only wishing I could know what my next step is. The "friends" back home only become harsher, I now know that even those that claim to be friend are really foe in the heart.

Is it right to be this angry at a world full of sin and disgust? Why is it that the more I look to the world I get more anger and even hatred that rises up within me? Like a virus, a sickness I even try to dive down deep within myself and make sure that this is a holy ritchos anger and...I just don't know anymore. My passion has taken the better part of me and now consumes my life in a way I have lost control of Father take this and use it PLEASE! Its like the child that grew up too fast, he didn't realise that the war was so intence...his training wasn't enough but now he is in it....

I feel the war all around me, death meets me at every turn and I'm sick of it. We have already won this war, why do we still have to fight? I feel this power thats more then I can put into words...I have walked onto the battle field and just now realising that I needed to take more time to sharpen my sword...I feel as though I'm in over my head as though I'm looking up at the elephant archers with nothing but me and my sword....Lord I'm not ready, I can't do this! I'm in over my head I'm drowning in a sea of death.

Covered in blood I am, the foot comes down to crush me but somehow I can't be killed. Covered in blood I am nothing, yet still the enemy can't touch me...can I do the damage? Myself can I take on the army of evil? No, I look to the oncomming army and now I feel as though I'm stuck in the middle of a swarm of massive men with heavy swords all bashing there blades against me and though they can't have me I feel as though I'm just waving my sword around and maybe stricking a few down....I need the power of God to come down, to slay the enemy all around me that I might stand in the blood stained field alongside my saviour and stand in final victory....

final victory....ah, so nice...

but for now I clash swords with many a foe, seeking the Lord for the strength of a thousand men if not then to take on ten thousand demons. That I may be that demon hunter, to slay the many in the name of Jesus....

all in the Joy and Glory of the Lord.
- posted by Kai @ 7/06/2004 08:35:00 a.m.