Dearest Rob:
Of course I know what I had to give up to get where I'm today. I had to give up my fleshly desires, my every want and every need...I had to give up friends and every aspect of myself and my worldly nature and give it all to God. Too is some way make him my only desire, I wish to be hated by the world cause that means I'm doing something right. If there is pain and struggles that means I'm doing something right. If everyday I'm living under constant attack that means I'm doing something right and I push on. No, my relationship with Lynda was not healthy, not pure and drove me and her too sin. The Bible says to rather die then cause a brother or sister to stumble and yet with Lynda I caused her and myself to stumble and fall. You don't just try to mend and move on after that point...You don't. But I'm not getting into that because that (should) have nothing to do with the two of us. The point is your the only one that has ever even brought up the idea that we couldn't be friends because you can't del with the fact that I'm making choices in life that I know are going to be painful now but eternally gratifying later. And no, I haven't told you your wrong cause your right, its going to be hard to be your friend at all if you can't just forget who I was and take me for who I am now. Who I was before was straight up sin. I lived in sin and loved my sin. I will not be that person anymore. You will not bring that person back and if you try your playing the devil's game. I have become very serious about my faith and those I keep around me, and the emotional outcome of the now is less important then a lifetime with Him, glorifying God in ALL I do. Yeah, I realize what I had to give up to move forward in my walk...I gave up everything to be with my Lord, if you are one of those people whom will walk away from me in this time just know that it will be an emotional time, but that I'm not going to fight it...Because I know where my sights are and its not down here but its above. I love people as I love myself, and I love God with all my heart soul mind and body. The greatest commandments...
I love you as myself, that will never change. And though at times my words have been harsh...Sometimes love is harsh, but just know that I love my God with everything that I am first. I will always love my God first. For He so loved me. If you can live with second place then yeah, I'll be your friend for life. But if you can't life with second place then I'm sorry. This has been up too you, and always has...
- posted by Kai @ 4/03/2004 11:20:00 a.m.