So its been a while...
so its been a while since I have really posted some meat on here (curses keyboard under breath then repents afterwords)

So the topic of today is something I was going to comment on after monday...and then I stopped myself. I had to make sure before I got all wrapped up in the emotions of the moment that this was real...that this wasn't just something I realise then discard like so many things I learn but actually something that hit my heart...not just my emotions...here we are almost a week later and I have evaluated my heart and I am at peace I now I think I want to share my thoughts with you all, and just for the heck of it lets actually go into detail :)

Yeahyeah, I'm a story teller, this one will be quick....k close your eyes and imagine this...um, wait...scratch that...open your eyes so you can read this but be picturing it in your mind...for those of you in Selfless it won't be hard :P

Its monday night and you just got off work, excited about core and what your CA is going to pour into you tonight, you read on your white board that you are to meet as a core on the lobby proply at 9:15pm and your even more excited because this means your CA has something planned...as in not just another in the room lession. So you meet with your core at 9:15 and you look in the eyes of your core advisor, he's in his CA mode and you can't really read him...you smile cause he's good at keeping what he's up too secret till the last min. But then you look to Erik and...suddenly something wasn't quite right...but you just let it slide.

Your instructed to move on outside, once out there Brett makes in very clear in his way that we are to take this very seriously and that we are to keep in a spirit of worship, thats cool :) so you then follow him a little ways and he stops and we all circle up and worship, the worship is good, and Brett pleads with God to anoint this night and to be with us...then we walk again, this time in the gazebo and we all sit, and nobody speaks as we watch Brett prepare to speak. Then you look to him as he gets down on one knee in the middle of everybody and prays before he speaks...

And this is where my story stops...

That night we heard some things that needed to be heard...some things where said that needed to be said...and not once had we been confronted like that. And it was love...pure love that fuled the passion Brett spoke with that night, a holy anger that riled up inside of him that rebuked us that night. It was incredible...

Tonight I want to talk to you not about what Brett said that night, not even how he said it...in fact it wasn't really anything he said at all that prompted this in my life. Tonight I wan't to share with you the moments after our core meeting that night...and how it was one of the turning points in my life...tonight I wan't to talk to you about why we are here and who we are...as humans...as Christians...

After Brett said what he had too he left the gazebo, and most of us stayed to ponder what was said, to pray, or just to watch the stars go by...alot was said but it didn't hit me much, so I prayed. I prayed that God would break my heart, I prayed that God would show me right then and there where I had gone wrong. I prayed to God telling the father I would not leave that spot in the cold night until I was changed, until my heart was changed and I had gotten what I was supposed to out of that night. And as I prayed the Holy Spirit came and I prayed harder, pushing into God harder then I have had in a good long time...then suddenly I looked to the stars and the one word that would forever change my life slipped from my mouth as if it had been trying so hard to for so long, it was like a great victory...this word was Love.

and just for a slight brief moment I knew why, I knew I had been going about everything wrong...I had forgotten that one little word that is the center of everything in creation...Love

I remember when I first got here, I saw all these people who loved God so much, my first reaction and the thought I have been living with since the beginning is..."I want that" I wanted what they had, these people who have known God for so long..then little me who has been running from him for even longer...I wanted to have what these people had...I wanted it so bad...I wanted God in my life so much...and thats what the HA promissed so I poured myself into the HA as much as I could. I followed all the rules and yes I slipped up from time to time but dangit I was going to get God here, I was going to hear God's voice here, I was going to make sure that I God everything of God that I could while I was here. I was going to learn leadership heck, I was going to even go down Gidieans road because I wanted to get as much out of this year as possable. Chris was going to be the ideal Christian as long as he did everything the HA told him...Chris was going to get all these things because he was following God...

are we starting to see the problem yet?

Monday night it hit me so hard I couldn't move for a long time afterwords in awe of how dumb I was...and lets face it, how small I am...The whole reason we where created was for one thing and one thing only...and its made pretty clear by Jesus when he tells us that the first greatest commandment is to Love God! DEVINE REVOLATION!!! All these usless things I do to better myself is worth absolutly nothing!!! I'm supposed to Love God and Love people and the reason that I capitalise Love is because God is Love...I have been doing everything for Chris...for myself, to better myself to I could get what the others had...because Chris wanted it...now I see the bigger picture...God created us to love Him, we have free will so we could Love him freely, and to think He loved us so much to send His only son to die for us...he loves us so much more then we could ever love Him and yet I forgot all about just loving Him...

I preach all the time about not using God as a vending matchne then I go to my prayer closet asking for Him to stresh me to teach me. I ask Him to send me a vision or to help me with an issue...never just sitting back and just basking in His glory..never once just loving Him with everyhting that I am...

the first and second greatest commandments are to love God and to love others....through this all else will follow. If we forget this then all the teachings and all the preachings and all the divine messages in the world arn't going to do a dang thing. We need to just stop trying to complicate our lives with the meaningless junk and just do what we where created to do...to love Him. And to love His creation, the ones we share the world with.

Well, this has been my revolation in life this week...my little life changing event...I now have to go to bed.

I love you all, I mean it. I really really do. Be at peace and meditate on this...

Blessings from above to you all.

,Chris
- posted by Kai @ 2/20/2004 08:45:00 p.m.