Family
Unsure of what to speak, on a computer unfamilier to me...after a weekend with friends...at a home with a family, I think back and miss that thing called family. Indeed we are all family but I miss the closeness of blood.

My sister and her popularity until she gets home and you see she's just some normal girl with normal problems, my brother who's so lost he forgot where he was going and is now wandering without aim into the darkness. My mother, whom I love with the best part of my heart. She is the woman in my life and I adore this person and yet...even in the times we talk the deep stuff of our lives, even when we fool, even when we kid around I see that thing she wants...even if she thinks she has it all right now. She wants to be loved, and its nothing she can find from myself or dad or anyother human being on this planet. Then my father, who spends his life in serventhood and is now starting to dispise it very deep in his hart, this a man who's passion is knowing how things work...how things came to be...and yet always missing the truth. He cannot beleve that there is one God that created all...and he has his reasons...could it be his mothers death that..even when he tries to tell us its not an issue, even after all these years its still something that pains him so much. What pains him even more now I think is the fact that he spent our entire lives pushing into our heads that smoking is bad...because thats the thing that killed my grandmother...and then my mother and brother start and as much as dad protests they continue. I think maybe somtimes if you press to hard it will end up rebeling...don't you think? But in the same aspect my folks never cared if we drank or not and I fell into that as well way back when so...where is the balance?

The balance is in Christ...

and yet my family worries about themselves...my mother worries about how my brother looks to others more then she worries about the sin he falls into...my sister to worried about boys and friends then her grades in school or her future...my father stopped caring because we as a family are lost...and now instead of being the leader he's the impatiant watcher...taking the role of dictator when a voice needs to be used that demands attantion. My brother...so close to finding something...perhaps the farthest away and the closest to finding the teasure...cause yes he is far away, but unlike the rest of the family he wants to find the treasure...and he has hints and parts to the map...he just needs guidence.

And I'm here...

This is me, this is where I am. I'm a follower of Christ in amongst the lost...trying hard to be a light...be the fire within the storm. Thats what going home is like sometimes....trying to be the blazing light of a burning fire within a downpour...its hard...

and yet I can do all things though Christ...the one who gives me the strangth. So one day my family will see and they will give there lives to Christ one day...one day....

Family...Lamad Ohana I love you all, and truly you are my family in Christ...my Church back home needs fire under there butts and when I look around I start to see that you people...you are my true family. and beleve me when I say I worry as much about you as I worry about the blood...my blood family. We are blood as well bros and sisters...covered in the blood of Christ...

James...Bev, you are the link, my little peace of the body back home of whom I will never forget and I love you both, don't you dare ever forget that...not that I'll ever let you :P but really, you two are the ones that keep me in check while home and I pray you continue to do so. Thank you :)

well, I better head off cause I have to wake up early tomorrow. peace.
- posted by Kai @ 2/08/2004 09:04:00 p.m.