you never really realize the emotional impact things have till your back knee deep into your life again. Back taking showers in that old unfinished bathroom again...sleeping in that hard twin-sized bed again...watching movies in Ottawa again...

the simplest things stained with the memorys of nearly five months ago. Its strange. Its strange how you can pick up and leave your life behind, but when you get back its just sitting there like your dog meets you after you get home from work. Even when your life had been so compleatly changed...you get back and its all...the same. Except you get online at night and try to remember how you spent so much time on this thing...then you remember.

I tryed for friendship because in all reality I don't wanna toss that away. Did I go about it wrong, yeah. Am I a big dumb retard...heck yeah, but maybe this is how its supposed to go. Maybe we're just not supposed to be friends from this point on...I mean, could I have said the right thing to her? maybe...who knows, whatever really. I miss the talks for sure, but that will pass. In the end I care for her yes, and thats why I must press on...thought we did have an amazing friendship before all this,

the mistakes in life lead to many things...most of all they lead to lessons in life...maybe this time I'll learn the lesson instead of making the mistake over and over again.
- posted by Kai @ 12/19/2003 12:47:00 a.m.