Name: Christopher Ashby Handle: Xan EMail: christopher.ashby @gmail.com Birthdate: October 28, 1983 Height: 6'3" Home: Ontario, Canada Location: Home Album of the Moment: |
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Final Fantasy XI: Status
Name: Xan
Race/Sex: Hume/Male
Nationality: Bastok
Rank: 6
Server: Titan
Current job: RDM/BLM
Main job: RDM/BLM
Linkshell: Asendance
Highest lvl: 60(RDM)
Mule: Nemar
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Friday, December 19, 2003
Originaly posted on lamadohana.com
lol, well..until Erik sets up that journal idea I pitched to him, I decided to take Brents lead and start my own little thred on here.
I guess what I want to talk about today is...seperation.
I have heard it talked about ever since getting to the H.A. how we are set aside, consicratred for the Lord, set away from the world. But really you don't totaly grasp that concept untill your right back where you started sitting amongst "friends" looking around the room trying to figure out whats so differant about the entire situation. Nothing has changed, one is wikken, the other cusses slightly but not TOO bad, then your best friend who lead you to Christ and his girlfriend...and you look around the room straining your brain trying to figure out why you feel so seperated from the only friends you have ever had... these few individuals that have shaped and molded who you are all though your high school life and then some...now it all seems to, odd... you look hard and can't see anything differant...its odd. You look to a few things, maybe its the fact your single now, maybe its the fact that James has a job, maybe its Krysty living with Adam...no, things like that wouldn't give you this feeling of seperation. What is it?
Then as your sitting all alone at home you realize what it is...even when you left your life behind to follow God's will for your life, even if you had left everything behind...thats exactly what you did...you left that behind, and now you try to step back into the boots and you realise that now its a size to small...your comfort zone has been rattled and your no longer at home amongst some of these people.
You also start to realise that your conversations with some people are much more..interesting, you start to get an understanding of the person you thought you knew the best...you and your best friend start talking and you start to see that he has a brain up there and o my gosh he is using it...you are pleased.
but as you sit alone at your old desk, where you had once spent almost every waking hour...you look to the screens of the computer and its suddenly so empty...
so this is what it means to be set aside...
you talk to your brother about his relationship with his father and you tell him to get an education...your shocked at yourself at the wisdom comming from your lips, its not you speeking...but as the words come out you know its truth and as you watch his eyes you see understanding...just slightly but its there...
he came to you because you seemed...changed...
your sitting alone at your old desk and you say a small silant prayer of strangth...then you realize you just prayed...you realize that you have changed...
you let your fingers type words to a person who you put down months ago...they reply and once again you are shocked, it was because you for once acted in kindness...not expecting to be forgiven...
you sit and you think about all the things that you have been through in the past few months, you remember ESOAL, you remember the core meetings and the classes...the chats with shift leaders and the runins with the RD, you remember church and then you remember that one weekend that changed your life more then anyother...you remember those three days of no food and hunger, but more importantly you remember the time with the Lord, you remember what He told you in that moment when you where sitting and just listening...writing down everything as He spoke...and you remember that indeed you have been set aside...and that those moments are not over, you still have a long way to go in that place so far away...you still have to much to gain from the people in your core, your CA your ACA, your RD...and everyone else...you have so much to gain...so much to take in and that fire is just ignited even more...because now you really do see what it means to be a "Christ One"...a Christian, a child of God. And you smile.
You smile wider then you think you have ever smiled before as you know that He is with you. and in this time of the year, when you start to remember a time of birth...Christs birth you also remember your birth, your re-birth into this life that God has prepared for you and you think God for this chance to...shine...for this chance to be seperated away from the world, so you can take that step back and see it for what it is and ...do something about it...
you sit back in your chair and look to all the memorys that are locked inside this room and for the first time it doesn't get you down, in fact as you sit there, the memorys flowing like a river..you realise that all you have gone though is just fule for the fire...
its in this life that God has given us, that we can make the biggest impact...will we take the chance? I know I will...
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