Indeed it has deen done.

Doubt has been rising in my mind if I really had done the right thing when it came to Lexi. Breaking off communication and such. So the otherday I un-blocked her and got her back on my msn list...and spoke of friendship. She doesn't want that, as I knew how it was going to go from the beginning all she could talk about was our relationship...me giving up on love. I know her feeling haven't expected them to this soon, but I had hopped she had delt with the fat that no I'm not runing back into her arms when things get a little hard..not putting my tale between my legs and running back into my comfort zone where everything is all nice and whatever.

I offered frienship, and even she said that we had a good friendship before the relationship...when I asked if we could have something like that again she tosses the question "do you still love me?" and the convo never really talked about a friendship again...I've always beleved in friendship before love could equal friendhip after love. Maybe in this instance I'm wrong...but eather way she's not ready. I see this now, all me talking to her did was stirr up emotions to the surface. I remember now why I broke off communication...cause everytime I talk with her it will be the same onvo over and over. The same onvo I've been having with people sine this all started..the same convo I said I would not have again with the people who refuse to understand. And people will tell me I just don't understand, thats its my ignorance that is making this harder then it has to be, that its my ignorance to everything that sways how I react to things...what ever, I won't be a victum of this double jeprody anymore. you have stated your case against me and I have stated my case and we where done with it...now the same case is placed one again on my head but no, I won't go though the same case again...I know alot of you are as sick of hearing about this situation as I am about writing about it. Especially since I have said over and over I wouldn't...

is it over? In my eyes yes, I took the question of friendship to ears that would not hear and thats ok...I'll be here with outstreched arms of friendship to any and all who will come but romance is not in my life right now, and the woman I will marry...her face remains a mystery to me but her faith in God is no secret. The Lexi situation, that chapter in my life I put to close right now, no longer will I speak about her, to her or anything of the sort..I leave it in Gods hands. If the day comes when Lexi wishes to be friends I'll be here but right now that hapter in my life I put to a close. This time I mean it, no more giving in and pleading my ase to ears that will not hear. If I offend some people with these words then well, whatever..be offended. It is not my intent to offend but if you are so easly offended that you will not hear my heart in this then I cannot change that nor will I try anymore.

Thus marks the final postings on this subject. Just one final thought before this closes. I know you think I'm running away from everything instead of staying and pushing forward...there is nothing to gain from continuing on...even a criminal..even someone charged with murder cannot be tried twice for the same crime...where is my peace cept the peace I force apon myself through my seperation from this friutless battle.

I leave you all with that. Peace.

Serving in Faith,
Chris
- posted by Kai @ 12/08/2003 05:06:00 a.m.