hehehe, well...it seems that this blog couldn't really be kept in the dark as I had hoped, I expected as much but thats ok...really Ihave nothing to hide...and it would seem the original reason failed so here we are.

I wanted to talk today about a movie that will be comming out in febuary..."The Passion" or, I think the name is now "The Passion of Jesus Christ" or something to that affect. Its being releced by Icon productions so go to there website if you want to know more about this. I'm not really alowd to say much about the movie...because I had the very very limited change to see a screening of the movie. Let me just tell you this, its hard to watch but it'll open your eyes to who Christ really was. There wasn't a single dry eye in the place as we watched it...its very powerful and I hope you all go see it.

The past few days have been hard, between some of my new friends leaving the HA to things with Lexi and Cheska sneeking back onto the front page of my life to, lol seeing that movie the past few days have been emotional at best. If Lexi and Ches still feel things from me they felt the pain yesterday as I hurd that one of my core-mates is leaving. But really, whats done is done and he's making the right choice I think. I just hope we don't lose contact with him.

Today is just a day to randomly post random thoughts, as a journal should be...to often I'd end up using my blog to post a responce to another blog, or to what others would say when this is supposed to by a journal...thats one of the big reasons why I started this one and got rid of the other one, there was to much back and forth, to much fustration building. But I just want to say something real quick...

Cheska, I'm sorry, I was angry as I know you where and didn't mean to hurt you...that was never my intention and I just pray that we can somehow work things out. Lexi is right, we're always at eachothers necks..always finding something the other said and twisting it and just feeding off the other. I was in the wrong in saying the things I said and I do hope that..in time you can forgive me. beleve it or not Cheska I still think of you as a friend, and you being there for Lexi during this time is awsome and I think you for being that friend for her in this time where I cannot be there. Please try to understand me Ches that at times I speak out of anger as do we all, that does not excuse what I said but we can work things out...

at times when I'm in the middle of anger and sin, I think I know what I'm saying is right...and it may be but the heart behind the words is what catches people more then the words themselves...the heart behind the truth is where the real truth lies...I've been trying to show that I care for those people who are..or at least used to be a huge part of my life but I've been using those words of caring and love in an emotion of fustration and bitterness...and I wonder why people sometimes cannot hear the words I speak...because they can't see past the emotion behind the words...as they shouldn't...love is the base for this entire thing...love is the foundation of life and if I try to speek words of love and life under the emotion of fustration and bitterness then I'm a walking contradiction.

After watching that movie last night...seeing in a very real...very dramatic way..the love Jesus had for us...it makes you think, are we truly showing love to others? are we truly loving others or just using the words of love but never really showing it?

"Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions. It is by our actions that we know we are living in the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before the Lord, even if our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."

This scripture has taken new meaning in my life as I see God's love for us...if I just had a fraction of that love how could I ever cause anyone pain again? Yes, the world may hate me for who I am, for my faith as scripture says...but my friends shouldn't hate me..and if they do I should find out what I'm doing wrong and correct it..for if they hate me, there is a lack of love somewhere...and I should probably look at myself before pointing the finger at others.

1 John 4:7-21
Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God--for God is love.
God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love has been brought to full expression through us.
And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who proclaim that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in him.
God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we are like Christ here in this world.
Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that his love has not been perfected in us. We love each other as a result of his loving us first.
If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we have not seen? And God himself has commanded that we must love not only him but our Christian brothers and sisters, too.
- posted by Kai @ 12/05/2003 09:00:00 a.m.