"At times life shows you a grain of hope but then we take it and wish for bread...there is no bread...not even the grain for these things are held to close to ones own heart when instead we shall look above and see the fields of grain and the many loaves of fine bread."

I dunno, for some reason I just opened up Lexi's name in AIM and typed this...I have no idea why...no idea where it came from. She'll never get it just odd. I mean, we have pretty much came to the conclusion that Lexi and I will probably never see each other anywhere again...for the simple reason of I can't share my life with someone that doesn't share my faith. I Can't share my life with someone who doesn't share my passion. I can't and I won't. Its funny though, as much as I have tryed to distance myself from her eyes, to keep anything of me away from her she still doesn't let go...even with Cheska telling her I'm a well, I can't really repeat what she calls me but needless to say I'm not lifted up...she won't let go, this troubles me because I know there is no hope for us, because of the reasons I stated...and yes I'm cursed by the promises I broke, the promises I made in vane as I am punished for breaking my word I take it in joy that I have been wiped clean of my sin...Lexi is under attack, she needs somebody to lift her out of the pit and it can't be me. I've been made clean in the blood of Christ...where is her clensing? She knows of God, she even tryes to beleve...but who has been sent into her life to lead her into the right path?! Who has been called? I ask them in the name of Jesus to answer that call and go to her now and lead this girl into the salvation of Jesus Christ! For I fear for her...in the Lord there is no fear says the Bible and yet here I stand fearing for this single life. Because I have been there before. That is what brought us so close so fast, I related...I understood her and I wanted her to see joy, to see peace again but I tryed to show her the joy and peace Jesus gave me though me, throgh my selfish works and in the end I ended up in a relationship with her instead of her having a relationship with Jesus...I wanted to show her life instead I showed her my life. She saw the light inside of me and wanted that light, I led her in the wrong path and in the end it ended up in heart. I missed the calling I had, whoever is called to lead her to Christ don't make the same mistake I made...its not for you. Its not so she can find another human relationship before she has a relationship with the one true God! Yes I'm a radical PRAISE GOD but I pray for this one life cause I know the pain...I feel the pain inside that can only be healed though the blood of the Lamb...the blood of Jesus Christ.

At times life shows you a grain of hope but then we take it and wish for bread...there is no bread...not even the grain for these things are held to close to ones own heart when instead we shall look above and see the fields of grain and the many loaves of fine bread.

At times life shows you just the speck of hope, and we wish for so much more and we try to fill the void with love, but untill the void is cast away by the Creator of love...the void will always be to deep for us to fill...and when we try to fill it it will only get deeper.

Lets have God cast away the void, then after that lets seek the truness of love in all its joy.

Lets look to the vast fields of everlasting love before we look to the speck of love that is earthly...the everlasting love that is Christ Jesus, the everlasting love that loves every human being on this earth equally and without favour.

Answer the call people, so many people have a void so large it consumes there lives, is the focus of everything they do; this longing for something that drives everyone is laid to peace in Jesus...why can't we see this? I've seen it because I have lived it...seen that void and tryed to fill it with everything I desired except for God, and even when I thought I had it all...even when I thought I had the perfect love and the perfect girl and the perfect home and the perfect family and friends and everything...even in that moment I had noththing...that void was still there bigger then ever...that longing for something beyond what I can get here on earth...a deep and loving relationship with God. Even when I thought I had filled that void to the rim I was empty...remember this as my testomony continues even now, as I live this life trying so hard to find out why we are really here I have the answers in Him, as we all do if we just seek Him.

I'm going to leave it at that. Peace to you...I love you all so much and I so want to see you full of that joy and awsome peace that God has in store for you if you just seek Him. Seek Him and come to Him in love.

Serving in Faith,
Chris
- posted by Kai @ 11/30/2003 07:18:00 p.m.